Boys are icky. They leave the bathroom really gross and can barely tell the difference between maroon and red. However, we tolerate them, because it turns out that they are good for like one or two things. Like golden retrievers, they make for great, very loyal companions, but unlike dogs, you don’t have to talk them for walks and they are typically better conversationalists. Sometimes worse listeners though. But in spite of that fact, there are probably more pros than cons to having a platonic male best friend, emphasis on platonic. I am not talking about the rom-com situation in which one day Michelle Monaghan realizes that her friend, the lovely and perfect Patrick Dempsey was her soul mate all along (duh, because Patrick Dempsey is everyone’s soul mate). I’m talking about the boy who is a brother to you, whom you love deeply, but come very close to killing on a daily basis. Note: this may be complicated if he does in fact look like Patrick Dempsey.
1. Nothing you do really weirds him out.
Early on in my relationship with my male best friend, we were laying on the floor of his room just hanging out, when I picked my head up to discover a toenail tangled in my hair. I think that was the moment that really cemented the friendship. To reiterate, boys are icky. But it turns out that girls are icky too, we are just usually more covert about it. When you go out to dinner with your male best friend, there is no expectation that there will be anything ladylike about it. If more of your burger ends up on your face and hands than in your stomach, you won’t worry about how he might not find you attractive or be ashamed to be seen with you. Embarrassing him is actually often a goal. No, you two will just laugh about how hard it is to eat like a human person and maybe fling ketchup at each other if things get particularly rowdy.
2. You always have a male perspective readily available to you.
Boys don’t always like to listen to you complain about other boys, but if they really love you, they’ll tolerate it with only occasional obnoxious interruptions. The male brain, as simple as it may sometimes seem, can be quite an enigma, so it can be helpful to have the insight of one at your disposal. In reality, our brains are structured and function quite differently, so anything to help decode their behavior is extremely valuable. Sometimes it does not even have to be explicit advice, as I have found they sometimes lose patience when you’re asking them for the third time why a guy texted you “Hey!” instead of his usual “Hey.” I’ve often felt that I could better understand other members of the male species by thinking about what I know about my friend and how he reacts to situations. There are certain patterns that you see emerge that can illuminate the motives of your crush, your brother, or that guy who looked embarrassed the other day when you held the door for him. That is not to say that one man can be universally used to understand the behavior of all others, but there are tendencies within the gender that your best friend can allow you to see.
3. People will usually think that you’re dating or ask you why you’re not dating.
This one can be a double edged sword. You’ve probably had to explain to your mother many times that she should stop waiting for you two to declare your love for one another, and that can be tiresome, especially if you exhibit early signs of becoming and old maid with a lot of cats and she is worried that your best friend is your only chance at finding love. But people always thinking that you two are together has its advantages as well. When you’re out some place with him, other guys will tend to leave you alone. And if they don’t, you can grab your friend’s hand and tell him to look extra tough to scare away your many admirers. This exact scenario has not happened to me yet, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. If you really want to deter creepers, you can put him in your profile pictures on social media, because most people will assume this to be evidence that he is your boyfriend. This does subject you to the possibility of prying questions from distant acquaintances or awkward compliments from relatives who don’t believe in boundaries, but sometimes that’s a risk you have to take.
4. It’s good for your self-esteem.
This one is important. As young women in today’s society (bear with me), we are often reduced to our appearance, assigned value because of the way we use or do not use our sexuality. This can create a complicated relationship with men in general because it can be easy to feel as though that’s all they see us as—our outsides. But that’s not who you are. You are your insides too, and no one knows that better than your male best friend. They remind you that you have value because you are super cool and smart and funny and crazy and worthy of love for reasons that have nothing to do with how attractive you are. They remind you that most guys are decent people, and many of them would appreciate all the overwhelming awesomeness you have going on inside if you just gave them the chance. They remind you of who you really are and why you should love yourself as much as they love you, for all the right reasons, and unconditionally. So thank you, men of the world, for being our friends. When it comes down to it, you probably are better companions than golden retrievers. But don’t let it go to your head.
