37 Things Only People Who've Been To Eating Disorder Rehab Will Understand

37 Things Only People Who've Been To Eating Disorder Rehab Will Understand

Our humor may be dark, but life without our eating disorders sure is bright.

I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, hope that most people will never understand this article. Because to understand this, means to have gone through it, and I would never wish that upon everyone. However, for those of you who do understand this, we might as well laugh through the pain am I right? Laughter is the best medicine, and we deserve to heal.

1. Trying to get insurance to pay for treatment.

No, but really. Do they even actually pay for things with money? Or is their job to hand out bankruptcy and rocks as a helping hand?

2. When you start approaching your weight restoration goal.

I think they spiked my milkshake with Ensure, or was it Boost this time?

3. When you start to realize your recovery body is hot.


4. When your new body comes with surprises.

Well, hello there! Who are you, and what are you doing on my body?

5. Your hair stops falling out.

You stop balding. Your hair starts growing. Soon enough you find yourself with luscious locks and you can't help but show 'em off.

6. When your eating disorder wants you to relapse but you use your new coping skills instead.

Deep breathing. In one two three four. Now out one two three four.

7. Getting your hunger queues back.

Is it normal for me to be hungry every five seconds? Why am I just now discovering this magical thing called metabolism? MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE.

8. Conquering a fear food like...

I AIN'T SCARED OF YOU, FOOL. Yeah, I'm talking to you... stupid bagel.

9. Growing out of your sick clothes gives you an excuse to buy an entirely new wardrobe.

I guess weight restoration can have its perks...

10. When you stop looking like a prepubescent 12-year-old.


11. When people start to notice your healthy glow.

Like, I'm not even kidding... your skin starts glowing again, or sometimes for the first time ever. But one thing's for sure, it's noticeable... and it sure is beautiful.

12. Night sweats.

Waking up in the middle of the night drenched. Did I just pee myself? Is it raining? Did someone spray me with a hose? Oh... nope. It's just me.

13. Getting mail.

Seriously, though. The sheer joy that comes with communication from the outside world is like a Holiday on steroids. Don't even get me started on what it's like when you get a package too.

14. Meal plan increases.


15. Meeting someone who actually understands you and your illogical brain.

Who knew you could meet your soul mate in rehab?

19. When you meet your treatment "mom."

You literally become their baby.

20. Trying not to make eye contact with the RCs while peeing.

21. Blood work when you're afraid of needles.


22. When staff turns into family.

There's something about when people flush the toilet for you, make your food, and watch you while you sleep... that just brings you close together. Oh and their unconditional love and support through your darkest days forms and indescribable bond.

23. Going to bed at 9 p.m.

Every single night. And the worst part is... you sleep like a baby. Therapy 24-7 therapy really takes a toll on yah.

24. Going on outings.

What's it gonna be this time? Michael's or Hobby Lobby? Either way, it's gonna be LIT!

25. Getting your first phone call.

I've never been so excited for a phone call. Even if it is only five minutes and the only one I'm allowed to call is my mom.

26. Moving up a level and getting more "privileges"

Yesssssss. That's exactly what I wanted. #REHABRIGHTS

27. When all the emotions you've bottled up for years start to surface.

What are these and why do they exist? This wasn't on the website!

28. Table games.

These are taken very, very, VERY seriously. When your whole day is centered around meal times, the games played are like the Olympics of rehab.

29. The inside jokes.

When you spend every waking minute together with the other patients, you get close. REALLLL close. And half the time our humor and jokes are dark... and only funny to us. But the laughter is healing, and the friendships are too.

30. The fact that you haven't shaved in six weeks.

This is not a drill, we really didn't shave. And IF by chance we were allowed to, we usually chose not to, because let me just tell you, electronic razors are a LIE. We'd rather be hairy and happy anyways.

31. When everyone learns how to knit, or crochet, and suddenly you're all grandmas.

We take our work very seriously. No one leaves rehab without learning how to make a blanket. Or if you're like me... no one leaves without screwing up a blanket and leaving with a ball of tangled yarn instead. Either way, you will crochet whether you know how to or not.

32. When a new client gets admitted and you can't contain your excitement.

Getting a new client is like the BEST DAY EVER! Finally, a new one. Come, tell us what the outside world has been like? What's your name? Life story? Social security number? We're about to get real close real fast.

33. When your sex drive starts to kick back in.

No, but seriously....

34. Realizing the other girls are the most beautiful humans you have ever met.

35. Discharge day be like...


36. Trying to blend back in with society.

I've totally got this. No one will suspect a thing. Me? Act normal? Not a problem. Normal is my middle name.

37. Finally seeing the beauty of life in everyone and everything.

Screw those eating disorder lies I believed for so long... this life, well, it's pretty dang gorgeous. I think I'd like to see more of it.
Cover Image Credit: Natalie Esarey

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Our First Bundle Of Joy, COMING SOON!

After years of trying, hoping, praying, and wishing, we finally have a baby on the way!


According to Larry Barretto, "Babies are bits of star-dust blown from the hand of God. Lucky is the woman who knows the pangs of birth for she has held a star."

Things would be simple if we, as women, could reach into the heavens and pluck our perfect little star ourselves. However, that is not how God intended us to bring our bundles of joy into the world. Instead, he chose the female body as a safe haven for our stars. It is here that they grow brighter and brighter until they burst with light.

This is a new beginning that many women crave. We swoon when we hear the first heartbeat. We scream with joy when the first kick has us reaching for the nearest object. We glow as we watch our bellies get bigger and bigger, knowing that with each passing day, we get closer and closer to holding our greatest joy in life.

What happens when those moments never come though? What happens when you have done everything right, but still, no star? What do you do when every single negative test begins to break down your spirit?

These are the questions that emerge when reality settles in and you realize, what if you cannot get pregnant?

Your heart starts to sink as the days, weeks, months, and years go by. With every failed pregnancy test, you lose a piece of your heart. What used to feel like passionate love with your partner, now feels like a forced five minutes whenever your phone alerts you that it is time to try again. The future, full of sleepless nights, diaper changing, and endless unforgettable milestones, now seems distant and bleak.

Now imagine feeling that for two years. Two years of heartbreak. Two years of feeling like you are not capable. Two years of reaching for something that seemed impossible. Two years of never-ending sadness.

These past two years have been difficult to endure. Every morning would begin with a prayer that God would somehow bless us with our own star. Every night ended with pleas to take away the sadness that dwelled within our hearts.

For a moment, we felt unheard. We felt that there would always be an empty space in our lives that only our very own child could fill. These feelings were almost enough to make us give up. Truthfully, maybe we were giving up. Maybe, if this test turned out to be negative like the rest of them, we would call it quits and fill the void with objects that would never amount to the joy a child would have brought us.

It was on January 25, 2019 that giving up seemed like a good idea. God had decided that motherhood would have to come in some other form or fashion. It was this decision that we were ready to accept.

As we watched one line form to give us the answer we already expected, we vowed to be done with it. Our hearts broke for the last time. Just as we began to burn all the memories we had formed in our heads, something started to appear on the stick. It was faint and almost unbelievable, but it was there.

A second line.

A second line giving us hope and allowing our hearts to flutter with joy for a moment. As the line became clearer and more distinct, hope turned into a blissful reality and the fluttering was now masked by the loud heartbeat of a woman who could now see herself having her very own star.

Hundreds of miles away was my very own heartbeat, thumping loud and clear for all to hear THAT I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT!

That is right, after two years of trying, my sister, Harley, is finally expecting her very first baby in September!

Harley and Travis are going to be absolutely wonderful parents and I am so excited to watch them grow as a couple and as a family! Their experience has shown me the importance of perseverance and never giving up on something that means the world to you. I am so thankful that my sister is such a headstrong woman who did not give up because now I can look forward to spoiling my first niece or nephew this year!

To all of you woman who are on a similar journey, do not give up. It is true that some things are not meant to be, but there is always a way and that is something you should never forget. A mother's love is strong and true no matter how it is established.

To you, Harley, I love you and I thank God every day for giving you the blessing you have been asking for!

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