With everything going on in the world I couldn't make myself write anything other than a happy article, so here are some terrible puns to add a little light to your day!
1. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
2. What do you do when a chemist dies? You barium.
3. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
4. How dos Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
5. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
6. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
7. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
8. PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.
9. We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
10. Broken pencils are pointless.
11. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
12. What do you call a gator that wears a vest? An investigator.
13. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
14. I got a job at a baker because I kneaded laugh.
15. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
16. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
17. A backwards poet writes inver.
18. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
19. When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked "Are you two an item?"
20. Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two tired.
21. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
22. What do you call a vow who gives no mile? An udder failure.
23. Without geometry, life is pointless.
24. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
25. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
26. Why are meteorologist always nervous? their future is always p in the air.
27. An expert farmer is outstanding in his field.
28. I used to work for H&R Block, but it was just too taxing.
29. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
30. All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
31. I used to see computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
32. Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
33. I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
34. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
35. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
These puns and more can be found here: http://www.dumb.com/jokes/silly_puns
