This past week, America experienced a very important milestone; the largest lottery in history. Sure, the almost $1.6 Billion (that's $1,600,000,000 in case you need to really see all those zeros to comprehend how huge that is) jackpot has been claimed (by three different parties), but with the new rules that Powerball passed in October of 2015, it won't be long until we see another massive (although maybe not quite as large) jackpot for the taking.
In honor of this, and because I had some grand plans that recently were crushed, here are some ideas on what to do with the money when (it's important that you think positive) you win big.
1. Invest your money.
This is what you do if you want to be boring and responsible. Umm...did you forget that you made your fortune by making poor financial decisions and not investing the last of your paycheck?
2. Treat yo' self.
3. Buy a farm and then buy all the dogs in the world.
4. Sign up for Millionaire (or Billionaire) Matchmaker.
5. Put a therapist on retainer.
Because suddenly everyone's gonna want some money and you gotta know who your true friends are.
6. One word: travel.
7. Pay for college.
8. Buy a college.
9. Give some money to charity.
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10. Invest in water.
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11. Build an Olympic-size pool and fill it with Fiji water.
12. Self-fund a mockumentary about your life and hire Morgan Freeman to narrate it.
13. Gentrify a neighborhood.
14. Buy SeaWorld, dissolve the company and release all the animals back into the wild. #FreeWilly
15. Create a record company and sign all your favorite artists, giving them complete creative control, of course.
16. Save enough money to buy one item from Kanye West's clothing line.
17. Buy your parents a new house and give them a few extra millions for some chump-change.
18. Rent out Disney World for a day.
19. Become an investor on Shark Tank.
20. Open a Chick-fil-a inside your mansion.
21. Open a Panera inside your mansion.
22. Buy a sports team.
23. Bribe players on opposing teams to lose.
24. Fulfill one of your past dreams for someone else and marry poor, just so they can marry rich.
25. Invest money into robotics and become a real life Tony Stark.
26. Hire Orlando Bloom to read you romantic poetry all day long.
27. Buy the MySpace domain.
28. Resurrect MySpace; it's exactly like Facebook but without all the racist things your distant family posts.
29. Put out a hit on Mark Zuckerberg.
30. Pour millions of money into increasing awareness of climate change and global warming.
31. Or, buy an oil company.
32. Buy all the tickets to a concert, so that you're the only one who gets to see your favorite band live. Sorry everyone else, why don't you try not to be poor next time?
33. Order clothes online without looking at the size chart. Order the same dress in three different sizes, and throw out the ones that don't fit. Who cares? You can afford it now.
34. Buy more lottery tickets.
Hey, it worked once before, didn't it?
