The first thing I heard on my twentieth birthday were the wise words of my mother.
"Congrats, honey, you beat teen pregnancy!"
In my eight hours of being twenty, I had been congratulated five times, two by text and three by actual humans. They would laugh for a moment, making corny jokes about secret babies, and then proceed to wish me a happy birthday, going on to say that twenty-one was right around the corner. I thanked them, being the polite woman my mother had taught me to be, but was left confused as they went on their way. I had just turned twenty, and yet, all anyone could talk about were the ages that were either in my near future or recent past. Twenty years old seemed irrelevant, merely a stepping stone to the next part of my life. I pondered this for days after my actual birthday. Was there anything left to look forward to during my time as a bonafide twenty year old? Or was in store for a wildly anticipated twenty-first birthday, praying for the day when I could legally drink without having to cross the border into Canada?
I've now been twenty for six months. I have learned more in these flitting six months than my, approximately, thirty six months in high school. I've loved and lost, grown as a human being, and made some of the hardest decisions I've ever have to make. I wouldn't trade these last six months for anything. As a twenty year old, I have learned three valuable and life changing things, points that effected my life for the good and they shouldn't go unnoticed in the frenzy of legal vodka crans and recreational marijuana.
#1: Being Selfish Is Essential
This took me a while to figure out.
About a month ago, one of my Panhellenic sisters looked my straight in the eye and said, "Your twenties are the one time in your life when you can be absolutely selfish and no one can say your wrong" I stared back at her, letting the words roll around in my brain. That one sentence felt like the two last puzzle pieces coming together. It was like a light bulb had gone off in my mind. She was right. After that conversation, I made drastic changes to my life. I cut out the toxic people, devoted more time to my sorority, and did what really made me happy. If I had known what she had said sooner, I would've been living the life I had wanted, rather than the one I thought I was supposed to be living.
To all the twenty-somethings out there, be selfish. This is a time in your life when you can do what you want when you want without anyone telling you differently. Give all of those god-awful people in your life the boot. Eat all of the pasta in your cupboard despite what that health magazine said. Devote more time to playing guitar, reading, or whatever it is that makes you blissfully happy. Be who you want to be. Be the person that your mom, dad, or whoever you look up to in your life can be proud of. Be a story that others tell in inspiration rather than safety. This is the age where finding yourself is more than studying for that final and much more than a three-digit number that you think controls the next steps of your life. NEWS FLASH: IT DOESN'T.
You are more important than anyone else in this world, so why wouldn't you do what you loved rather than what someone else loves? This life is too short to try and make other people happy at the expense of your own.
#2: You Don't Have To Know What You're Doing Right Now
Despite what every professor, parent, or article may say, you don't have to have your entire life planned out TODAY.
After that talk with my sister, I jumped at the opportunity to study abroad. I walked into the study abroad office on my campus and demanded to know everything about Ireland. Why Ireland? Because I can. I went home with the dream of studying at the University of Limerick, falling in love with a place I've never been to and with people I've never met. Traveling was my dream and I wasn't about to put it off any longer. That day I made a decision. I would put my membership in my sorority on hold, pack up my life, and move to Europe. Why? Because I wanted to. Because the world was calling me and I couldn't imagine getting through college without this experience.
Take time to figure out what you're passionate about. Don't stressfully flip through a catalog of the majors at your school and feel like you HAVE to pick one RIGHT NOW. Because you don't. Your counselor is wrong. Take some random classes that intrigue you. Go to art galleries and film festivals and sporting events and whatever your heart my desire. Develop a love for something so great that you couldn't picture your life without it. Become passionate about whatever it is that makes you the beautiful human that you are. Don't become someone that you will resent later. Don't major in English if you want to become a computer scientist (heaven forbid) and don't feel the need to please anyone but yourself.
You don't have to know what you want to be when you grow up. Because we aren't quite done growing up yet.
#3: Invest In People That Will Invest in You
I cannot stress this enough.
Love is investing someone. Investing can look like a multitude of things. It can be a text, a phone call, or an email (if you work that way). It can be a wine night with a marathon of Gilmore Girls just because. It doesn't have to be a huge gesture; just something to show your loved one that you do, in fact, love them.
Loving without investing looks different. It's the boyfriend that says he loves you, but refuses to hold your hand in public. It's the best friend that says you'll be the maid of honor at her wedding, but blows you off for that boy she just met. That's not investing. When people don't invest in you like you invest in them, it's one of the worst feelings. There's a hole in your chest the size of Mt. Everest and you just want to hide under your comforter with a pint of Ben and Jerry's. You cry, because that's what happens when you care so deeply about another human. You sulk in your room until the hole has minimized to the size of your fist and then you give yourself back to the human that hurt you, hoping thise time will be different. It's not. It never will be. Yes, they can say they love you, but without investing in you, there is no love.
Cut them. Cut them the moment this feeling hits. You deserve the world and, as a twenty year old, you have no time for people that don't invest in you. Forget all of those empty promises and missed phone calls because you can't live like that. As humans, we need love, love from people that are willing it give it out like confetti. Befriend these humans. Find your tribe, not people that are just waiting for "something better" to come along. You need to feel loved, not rejected. I hope you will never find yourself in a position to ask, "What did I do wrong?", because the answer is nothing. You did absolutely nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanted to be adored and there never will be. Once you start doing things for yourself, amazing things will happen and beautiful moments will emerge.
