The student-host family relationship is not one-sided. We have talked a lot about how students should behave, but don’t forget that it’s the HOST FAMILY that makes the student's experience. Especially in exchange program, host family choose the student, not vice versa. International students bring very different lifestyles and perspectives, so living with them can be a fun challenge. Here are three tips for you, as a host parent or a friend, to understand and help them.
1. International students are like newborn babies!
You didn’t misread it. They are really like children in many ways.
Imagine one day you show up in a totally strange country, like Laos or Zimbabwe for example, with two bags of luggage, what would you do? Where do you stay? What do you eat? How can you find and use the bathroom? How can you travel around? It’s not easy when things are not going they way you are used to, and that is exactly what international students have to deal with. They don’t know. And what do you do when you don’t know? Human instinct leads us to assume the things operate the same way they do in our country, and sometimes, it’s not the case. While we keep telling students to ask if they don’t know something, we need to know too, that moving to a different environment can be overwhelming for them. Help them out. Explain everything because there is a chance your students have no idea what is going on, and there is a chance they don’t ask for some reasons.
When I say explain everything, I literally mean everything. Don’t underestimate even the smallest details. Do you know in some countries, many people will soap themselves and then step in the tub instead of showering right away? Do you know if you student rarely steps in a car, much less know how to open/close the door, fasten seat-belts, or roll the windows? Do you know many people have no idea how to use the shower and turn hot/cold water? Do you know many countries don’t require tips and many students don’t have a clue what it is and how it works? Do you know many students are not familiar with saying “thank you” or “sorry” all the time even though they feel so?
There are so many differences we cannot expect, and that's the fun part of hosting a student! Do a little bit of research about your student’s home and be open to their questions and even no question. Understand that students are struggling, and help them out by actively show them how things work in the house.
2. Living together means sharing living rules.
When it comes to living together, everybody struggles. Couples struggle to compromise. Roommates struggle to stand the existence of another human being in the other corner of the room. Students struggle to figure out the “rules.” Don’t even think your family doesn’t have ground rules. You do. It’s your responsibility to figure out the rules, and tell your student.
“Living rules” here simple mean the way you live. For example, the time you eat, the time your family members often to go bed and wake up, your favorite thing in the house, your family’s daily routine, members’ responsibilities, your family’s traditions, etc. Your family knows all of these, but the student does not. In fact, his/her family most likely has a totally different set of rules. In Spain, lots of people have lunch at 2-3pm and dinner at 8-9pm. You cannot assume students know what your family expect them to do. Assume they don’t know and tell them. If they do something they are not supposed to do, kindly remind them and tell them what you consider “right.” See? International students are little children.
Here is the most important thing: Tell them these rules on the first few days they arrive. You may think that would be overwhelming and stressful for students and you don’t want to force them. Wrong. If you don’t, your students will be miserable and stressed out, because they have no clue what is the “right” thing to do. Let’s make their lives easier by sitting them down and going over the rules, curfews, and your expectation. Ask them what they expect from you, too. It sounds like a serious talk, and it is, but it’s necessary for a healthy relationship.
3. Your student should be treated as a family member.
The student is not a visitor. He/she is gonna stay with you for a whole year. You don’t want a visitor who doesn’t do anything in the house for the whole year.
Remember international students are away from home, and are struggling in a strange environment. They need support and comfort, and that sense of safety comes from a family. They need a warm and welcome home to come, not a temporary shelter to stay over night. You want your home to be their home.
One way to do this is to assign students “domestic duty.” Every family member has responsibility for the house. I believe you will assign your kids, if you have one, some type of housework. Students should do something, too. Doing housework actually helps students feel that they are helpful and trustworthy, and most importantly, belonged to the home.
