I have to admit, these are all topics I have ranted about since I had a very poorly directed youth group talk on relationships and dating nearly a decade ago.

Now that I have grown in my own relationship, the rants are some very important issues I would like to address. I have chosen three of the more general relationship lies I have come across and explained why I believe they are untrue. I give these comments and advice based on experiences in my own relationship as well as observing my parents, other couples that have been together for decades, and couples that have failed to work things out for many different reasons.

LIE #1: Relationships are easy if you are with the right person.

I just got married on June 3rd. I have been with my husband since I was 15, him 17. Almost 7 years later, it is still a lot of work. We have stuck it out this long, and still want to be together every day!

An easy relationship is one that is without passion, caring, and investment in each other. Claiming a title and not spending time together or supporting the other isn't a relationship worth while.

There is no such thing as a good and easy relationship. You aren't putting anything in or taking interest in your partner if it is easy. The amount of disagreement, compromise, growing pains, change, and hard decisions I have experienced are all there, stressful and difficult because I am in a fantastic relationship. I don't always get what I want because I take my partner's feelings and best interests into consideration. It would be easier if it were just me, choosing for me.

The sacrifice of my selfishness for my husband is a daily struggle because all people are innately selfish. I overcome it most of the time, but sometimes I don't act, say, choose, or commit to what is best for the both of us.

When it comes to all of the difficult work that goes into a relationship, I'm only scratching the surface on how good, true relationships aren't easy. When I go to bed at night, I know that all of the rewarding companionship, support, affection, and so many other positive elements of my relationship have been worth the hard work.

LIE #2: Love is a feeling.

Sure, when you first meet and start dating there is a feeling in the pit of your stomach that is giddy and butterflies and all that, but it isn't love. That is infatuation. That feeling is not worth relying on.

I have come across dozens of articles that talk about falling out of love, losing the spark, and not having the same feeling with their partner after an extended amount of time. What few of those articles mention is that this loss of infatuation is normal and not the sign of a doomed relationship. The gut feeling we decided means love will come and go throughout the years. It is when the feeling goes away that some of the greatest growth can happen.

This is when reflection on why you are together pushes you forward. Yes, those bad days were awful but look at how far you have come. The good days from last month, year, decade. Wow! What an adventure! This is where that cheesy line about choosing to love the person every day comes in. There is more than how you feel that keeps a relationship together. Love is the interactions, loyalty, gifts, selflessness, support, and every thing that you have gone through together, not just a feeling.

LIE #3: You have to be the best person that you can be in order to enter a relationship.

Even if you have low self esteem, struggle with depression or anxiety, hormonal issues, unemployment, anger, or any number of imperfect physical, mental, or personal "flaws", you can still grow, get better, and become better within a relationship.

I will dare to say that a good and healthy relationship will foster this improvement and growth in you from the character you build in the work you put into your relationship and the support from a good partner will only help you fight to overcome the issues you deal with.

Don't listen to the people that say they need to "find" or "work on" themselves and recommend it. It only harbors those issues as no one can ever overcome EVERY issue and is more often an excuse for an unsuccessful dating life or a way to justify why they are single.

Don't justify being single, by choice or otherwise. You have to have a support system to get though hard situations including family and friends, but don't shy away from a good relationship only because you don't think you are whole enough or together enough. My husband and I have gone through all sorts of struggles and hard times over the years, very often with my struggles. There is no doubt that there will be more personal issues stemming from us both. It will be the love and strength from each other will help us get through.