This past week, while enjoying breakfast with my best friend and her mom, we got on the topic of married life. She began to talk about one thing her husband did that she didn't particularly find interest in, but added, without a blink of an eye, that it was nothing worth being upset over.
I complimented her on how awesome it was that she doesn't get mad over the little things about him that she finds irritating.
Her response to this has stuck to my head and heart like glue. She said to me plainly: "Oh please, if I have a problem with him, or any other person for that fact, it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me."
This got me thinking, do I really dislike people because of something I don't like about them ... or something I don't like about me?
This effected me so much I went and talked to an awesome priest from my local church. He gave me some things to think/pray about next time I'm struggling with the people I dislike.
Here's three reasons why you might dislike people:
1. Lack of Forgiveness
Think about it. Did they hurt you? Did they hurt someone you love? If the answer is yes, think no further. You are hurt, and that's OK. But what you do with the hurt will determine your healing.
Pray. Read scripture on forgiveness and mercy. If need be, stop communicating with them. If you're struggling with forgiving someone, you need to pray and distance yourself from thinking about them more than necessary.
After this time of separation and the Lord's intervening, there may come an opportunity for face-to-face apologies. If so, great. If not, they aren't responsible for my healing, Jesus Christ is.
2. Something You Hate About Yourself
"Oh, I can't stand when such and such does this. I mean do they know how wrong it is?!" Every time I hear someone say these words I can't help but chuckle and think in my head "LOL, Meg, you do the same thing."
But then I can also stop and think about how often I point out things I dislike about other people and realize ... it's actually what I hate about myself. I could bet 95 percent of the things I dislike about other people, are really just things I hate about myself, whether I'm conscience of it or not.
Next time you're about to say something, in your head or out loud, about something you don't like in another person, bring it to the Lord. Ask Him if this is maybe this is not an area they need to grow in, but you need to grow in. Because like my friend's mom wisely said ... "It has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me."
3. Jealousy
Remember when your mom said, " Baby, those kids don't like you because they're jealous." Well, you're in luck. It's true. Majority of the time when we don't like someone, the root cause may be jealousy.
The scary part of jealousy: We can worsen it without even realizing. Whether we admit it or not, there's many different ways we can feed our jealousy.
To name a few: checking their social media, talking about them to other people, even staring at them when their in the same place as you. The only way to root out jealousy is discipline and prayer. Cut it off. Stop checking, stop saying their name, stop staring and start praying.
The Lord is the only one who can soften your heart towards them, but he can't do this if you're not willing to cut the crap (sorry, not sorry).
Again I say (as I've stated in a previous article) it's OK to dislike people. But as for me, when I begin to harbor thoughts of hate for another person I will now, stop, pray and ask the Lord, "Is it them I'm struggling with, or is it me?"
Majority of the time, it has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me.
