Don't call me a single mom. I in no way have raised my daughter on my own. This does not mean that I don't raise her and take care of her. I absolutely do, and if I had to do it on my own... I could. But I don't have to. Here are a few reasons why I don't identify with being a single mother.
1. It takes a village.
I don't know why, but it seems that when a woman doesn't have the father around everyone expects her to be so completely self sufficient and its looked as a negative thing when you have to ask for help for one thing or another. However, when it's a couple that asks or receives help... it's ok.
It takes a village to raise a child, whether your married, divorced, or single. Friends and family help make an impact on our children and hose close relationships with other adults are crucial no matter what your marital status is.
2. Being a parent isn't a bad thing.
So often you hear associations of pitty and difficulty associated with being a single parent. While there is no doubt that parenthood is difficult and daunting at times, I personally have never viewed it as a burden or as a position in which I wanted others to feel badly for me. I love being a mom, not just in a "that's what I'm supposed to say way" but really... it's so cool. I just took my 5-year-old to get her ears pierced... IT WAS AWESOME! She was so brave and she was so ready to do it, and I told her she didn't have to and could wait. That little duck said she wanted to do it, took a deep breath sat in the chair and squeezed my hand. HOW COOL IS THAT TO BE A PART OF? Knowing that I helped teach her how to be brave and go for things that you want in life.... I helped do that... Its just so cool.
3. Her father is a part of her life.
Let me explain something... If your child's other parent is active in their lives then you're not a single mother. If he pays child support or has them at least 40- 50 percent of the time... you are not doing it on your own.
I know a lot of people will disagree with me, maybe they will think that I am some Anti-Feminist... I am not.
A real single mother has no one to help her. She either has no family, no friends and no father of her child or they just don't care and don't help. I real single mother has to work two or more jobs just to make ends meet. A real single mother has no village. I think sometimes as parents we end up using our positions in life as a crutch to make excuses for ourselves... Real single mothers cant even do that.
So no I do not identify with being a single mom, and I never use it as a label. I am far from being alone and I have her father, her grand parents, her aunts, uncles, my friends... I have an amazing Village that has helped me raise an amazing little girl, and I am so thankful for it.
So I want to say Merry Christmas to all of those Women or even Men out there doing the parent thing on your own without a support network. You all are truly the ones to be inspired by. I pray for you all every day.
