Black women, we have a very noticeable feature, that being our hair. I have gone through almost every hairstyle imaginable for black women as I was growing up. From a perm and straightened, an afro, bantu knots, braids, shaving it all off, growing it into a mini fro, dying it and even wearing wigs. I have enjoyed every single style stated above and would repeat any because I love my hair. My hair is coarse and curly, and it musn't be combed but brushed. I don't have to wash it everyday or even every week because of the way it grows.

I adore how it can be manipulated into any style I want it to be for any occasion. The problem with my hair actually doesn't stem from the hair itself but a question that I have been asked by non-black people for as long as I can remember.

“Can I touch your hair?”

For those who are truly bold, they touch it without my permission before they can even finish the sentence. As a young black woman, I have been asked this repeated question for quite some time and began to notice a trend each time these things happened. These things didn't happen to my white acquaintances at all. Even if their hair was dyed an obscure color or reflected that of an actual rainbow, no one ever asked them if they could touch their hair while I would be asked if my hair was real. I was too young to fully grasp the concept of racism and microaggressions when the thought began to dawn on me. After living, learning and researching, I've come with 3 things that have lead to this (unfortunately) common question.

1. The Objectification Of Black Bodies

I have noticed that most people blame their blatant violation on the grounds of curiosity, a thing that naturally occurs in humans. To that I say, people should have self-control and understand personal space. Other black people do not ask to touch my hair, so why do others have this sudden overwhelming urge to touch hair when they see me? The short answer is the objectification of black bodies. This has been occurring for as long as time could tell.

The method of objectification is different now. Years ago, my people would literally be put on display for people to walk by and gawk at for entertainment. A famous woman from South Africa named Sarah Baartman, spent years in European ‘freak shows’ for simply having large buttocks. Now, people alter themselves in order to obtain what she once had. Objectification means exactly that, you see someone as an object but not a person. Many people get indignant when I tell them they can't touch my hair, they are not seeing me as my own person, but as an object. Why would you need permission to touch an object?. It is like a child who throws a fit when you tell them they can't have something that belongs to you. It was never theirs to begin with, so why the anger?

It's not a secret that there are Eurocentric beauty standards. Thin noses, fair skin, slim bodies and colored eyes are all examples. These standards are seen regularly in advertising and in the media, as a people, we don't even bat an eye at it and accept it as the regular. Also not a secret that many black people do not meet all of them, this definitely includes hair. Black people are not portrayed on many forms of media often, although it appears to be improving as time moves forward, but all in all, our faces are scarce. Many times, as stated previously, people have touched my hair because they have never actually seen it in their daily life.

The only representation they usually receive is through the media. The same media that chooses black women who can reach the beauty standards. They usually have the lighter skin, less wide nose, and straight hair. While a small percentage of black women look like that naturally, that is not an accurate representation of the community. The solution to the curiosity is to be surrounded with a more diverse crowd. Repeated exposure can be the easiest way to get accustomed to this. Once it happens, black hair becomes less fascinating because it becomes ‘normal’.

While asking to touch hair may seem harmless, it's also a form of dehumanization among black people and it ties into microaggressions. A microaggression is a subtle nonverbal or verbal negative action, be it intentional or unintentional, towards a marginalized group. They are commonly known as racial biases as well. People of all races use microaggressions; many times; they are ignorant to when they are doing it. Moving slightly over on a bench because someone of a different race sits near you but not doing the same if someone of your own race were to take a seat by you is a common example.

Touching black hair without consent is also a big microaggression.When non-black ask to touch my hair, it is as if they are asking to pet me. Unless they are close to me, there is no reason for it to be touched without my consent.

The previously stated are all reasons why I have such an issue with an ‘innocent’ question. What you think is harmless is connected to things that are not. Things that are still applicable to black lives today and these actions affect me in my everyday life. My hair is perceived as dirty because I don't have to wash it every other day. My hair is a spectacle to people. My hair is mimicked or mocked by people who will never have the texture it takes to handle upkeep. My hair isn't considered professional. The microaggression is toxic and common but it has to stop. So, until my hair isn't a spectacle. Until it isn't mocked or mimicked. Until the hair that grows naturally out of my head is considered professional, no, you can't touch it.