One of the biggest jokes we as Americans have today is the fact that merely hours after spending a day (and a feast) being thankful for the year's good fortunes, including friends, family, and abstract goods such as love, life, and happiness, we will stand in long lines for ridiculous amounts of time and even trample one another for new stuff. Nothing quite proves gratefulness like stiff-arming your neighbor at 4:30 a.m. at Walmart because iPads are 20 percent off. So in case you need more reasons to not risk your health and safety over material things, here's three:

1. Crowds

Honestly, crowds are reason enough to avoid Black Friday all by themselves. If you don't fancy having someone's front pressed firmly into your behind whilst simultaneously pressing your front into someone else's behind, then Black Friday shopping just isn't for you. The crowds get worse and worse every single year, as if not getting a "Tickle-Me-Elmo" this very second would start the apocalypse. News reporters don't even try to find anything interesting to report on Black Friday; they don't have to! Nothing makes for better news than the two church women from Main Street turning JCPenny's jewelry section into a scene from Fight Club.

2. BS Sales

Many of the savings you think you're getting on Black Friday are savings you could get during a different sale or are the exact same sale stores did the previous Black Friday. In fact, 93 percent of stores just posted the same prices for the same products in 2013 and 2014, according to a NerdWallet analysis. All this means is that these savings really aren't significant and will be repeated. Not to mention, almost every sale advertisement has that oh-so-easy-to-miss asterisk that almost always means "WHILE SUPPLIES LAST". Call me crazy, but the supplies never seem to last. So now you've spent all day fighting to get some Uggs that the store ran out of before you even woke up.

3. Lines

After eating all the turkey you can manage, for some reason, you don't succumb to a food coma on the floor, but put on your coat and prepare to spend the night, outside, surrounded by strangers, in line. So lets say by some miracle, you've not only survived the initial stampede, avoided a black eye, and managed to actually get your hands on one of the 17 Xbox One's that your local store is selling. Now you have to stand in an another OBNOXIOUSLY long line just to get to the cashier. Since lines are implemented at the basic level of preschool, you'd think this would be tedious but relatively easy. Incorrect. For some reason, Black Friday turns even the simplest concepts into an ordeal so now you have to deal with the couponer in front of you who's been in Olympic training all year round for this very day, the pissed off toddler that doesn't know what 3 a.m. is and just wants his mother to take him home, and the woman who spent the entire 3 hours obnoxiously on her cell and now is taking forever and a day to pull her wallet out of her Mary Poppins bag (yes, that was an entire Sephora store in there. That's Christmas magic for you).

There may be hundreds, if not thousands of reasons to avoid Black Friday shopping. Instead of trying to survive the Friday, trying actually keeping the sentiments of Thursday alive and enjoy your friends, family, and blessings throughout the rest of the year (or at least through the holiday break).