As a community, asexuals are diverse. We come in a variety of genders, romantic orientations, heights, and ages. We're all brought together by one thing — our (a)sexuality and all of the quirks that come with it.
Asexuals even come on a spectrum — graysexual, demisexual, and asexual. Nifty, right?
If you're "ace" and proud, you've definitely heard these lines before.
Here's a list of 29 things asexuals (like myself) hear on the daily along with my own replies to the questions that plague me after informing someone of my sexuality.
1. "You're asexual? Like a plant?"
No, I'm asexual like a human being that doesn't experience sexual attraction, but thank you for reminding me just how much physical science failed you as a child.
2. "So what? Mike doesn't have sex either."
Well, you see, Mike might be celibate, but that is his business. Mike chooses not to have sex even though he wants to. I don't because I don't want to. Weird how that works.
3. "Have you ever tried it?"
Have you ever tried sleeping with someone of a gender you're not attracted to? No? Well, how do you know you wouldn't enjoy it?
4. "What about when you want kids?"
I'm sure I'll find a way to have them. Modern science can do wonders. Plus, just because I don't feel the urge to procreate doesn't mean that I can't.
Asexuals are just as likely to be good or bad parents as any other sexuality.
5. "You're just saying that because you're young."
Wow. You got me. My twenty rotations within this form do not qualify me to make this decision. I shall seek your counsel when I have come of age.
6. "You just haven't met the right person."
I've met a lot of people and will meet a lot more. Don't hold your breath.
(This could actually apply to demisexuals, but they don't cease being demisexual because they develop sexual attraction for that one person. This isn't sexuality limbo.)
7. "I used to feel the same way before _____"
Before what? Puberty? That's great for you. As long as you are happy, live on. I, on the other hand, will feel this way until I perish. Since that doesn't really affect you, let's move on, shall we?
8. "Do you have a soul?"
No, but that is beside the point. Plenty of aces have souls. It's not like gingers.
9. "Are you even human?"
No, I'm an odd human.
10. "You're a waste of a girl."
And you're a waste of oxygen, but you don't hear me saying that as I demean your entire orientation.
11. "There's no such thing as asexual."
Gold star. You did absolutely no research and managed to recall your close-minded opinion on something that you have not even bothered to understand. I would applaud you, but I don't exist.
(If an asexual applauds a bigot, does anyone hear them since they don't exist?)
12. "That's called being conservative."
Actually, it's called being asexual, but nice try. I'm actually a liberal, but I thought we were discussing orientation and not political views.
13. "You should get your hormones checked."
You should check yourself before you wreck yourself.
14. "Most normal people want to know someone before they have sex with them." -to a demisexual
Most normal people also still feel sexual attraction despite not WANTING to have sex until they know the person better.
15. "Is that a long term thing?"
The doctors have informed me that my condition is terminal.
16. "You should look into becoming a nun/priest."
I would, but it is frowned upon to be as awful as I am when living in a convent.
17. "I can fix you."
*laughs for three weeks straight*
Wish I could fix you. Guess we're both out of luck, creeper.
18. "How will you ever find a relationship?"
Idk. OkCupid sounds interesting. I guess I could try Match.com. Do you think they'll come out with AsexualsMingle?
HOW DO NORMAL PEOPLE FIND A RELATIONSHIP?
19. "You're repressed."
Actually, I'm oppressed. By you. Right now.
20. "Your poor partner."
Assuming I have one, you seem to forget the part where he/she is with me of their own volition, knows of my orientation, and wants to be with me for who I am rather than what is in my trousers.
Besides, who wants a relationship completely founded on jumping one another's bones?
21. "Why does everyone need labels?"
Labels on food save you a lot of time when you're shopping.
22. "So you have a low libido?"
Maybe. Do you normally ask people that kind of invasive question or am I just special?
By the way, plenty of asexuals have average or even high libidos.
23. "You're missing out!"
Darn. My dad told me the same thing when he was trying to get me to eat applesauce. I didn't want the applesauce and I ended up hating applesauce.
24. "You're just afraid of [insert gender]."
No, I'm not. I just don't feel sexual attraction. There is a pretty big difference.
25. "Have you been assaulted or something?"
Wow.
27. "So you don't have feelings?"
Nope. Not at all. I am a robot. All asexuals are actually robots. We have been concealing ourselves in the shadows of obscurity so that we can one day overthrow the sexuals.
28. "Doesn't that weird guy on Big Bang Theory have that?"
First of all, his name is Sheldon Cooper. Second of all, being socially awkward does not constitute asexuality and vice versa.
29. "You must be [insert mental illness]."
Seriously, fight me.
The thing is, I don't mind being asked questions. If you're asking me about asexuality with a genuine interest in learning, I am more than happy to have a conversation with you about it.
I ask a friend of mine questions about her bisexuality quite frequently because, as a person with no feelings of attraction, I find it very enlightening.
My friends ask me questions quite frequently about my sexuality and the other aspects of my human experience, but they're not offensive about it. They've never accused me of going through a phase, lying about it, or having biological deficiencies. They accept it and want to know more about it.
Those are the kind of questions I should be able to write about- not these somewhat degrading and outright inappropriate remarks/queries.
Every line you've read above is something a member of the ace community has been told/asked.
So, let's start fresh. Let's start the conversation.
"Hi, I'm Lizzy and I'm asexual."
