Many people are under the false impression that the Christmas season is the greatest time of the year. What these types of people fail to realize is that superior holidays exist, and they offer a great deal more than Santa Claus ever has or will. One such holiday that emulates a true cause for celebration is...wait for it...the Fourth of July! No, you do not have to get the in-laws gifts, nor do you have to pretend to like the inflatable reindeer on your neighbor's lawn. Fourth of July is fairly simple. Show up, shut up and wear red, white or blue (or all three)! No act of patriotism goes unappreciated, and here is a list of reasons to diss Christmas and make the Fourth of July the new fan favorite.
25. Better color scheme
Red, white and blue matches everyone's skin tone. Too much green on Christmas and people will think you were meant to be decked out with ornaments.
24. Nobody complains when it doesn't snow
Ever since the (fictional) July Blizzard of 1997 ruined thousands of firework displays throughout the southeast, people have been content with sunshine and occasional rain on the federal holiday.
23. Children don't sing about hippos or their teeth
Seriously though, what child possibly thinks that a hippopotamus is an ideal pet? They're cute and all, but have you seen the teeth on those things? They all look like they've never even heard of a toothbrush. Come on, kid, be reasonable. Ask for some coal instead.
22. Soccer season
Yearly reminder that our nation's soccer team is nothing without Dempsey...and that we are perennial disappointments in an of ourselves. Whoops.
21. Fresh lemonade
Beyonce's album may have dropped in April, but the delicious liquid made for this holiday exceeds all expectations.
20. You don't have to send out a Christmas card
Nothing is worse than a forced family photo...except when everyone you know gets said photo.
Nothing is more American than explosions.
18. Summer games
I'm pretty good at thinking I'm good at horseshoes, and I know some people who think they can play cornhole professionally.
17. You don't have to buy anyone presents
No one expects anything from you!
16. Warmer weather
It's a great time to go outside and ride a tandem bicycle. Just don't forget sunscreen!
15. No tangled Christmas lights
Everyone's worst nightmare.
14. It's culturally acceptable to feel superior to every other country
I don't want to brag, but since it's the Fourth of July....
13. You don't have to look nice
No suits, dresses or uncomfortable tights!
12. No Christmas music
I could name one or two Christmas tunes, but after that, it's all just a little to jolly to be on every radio station.
11. No random "Christmas specials"
TV shows love to throw in a holiday episode that makes absolutely no sense to the plot of the show.
10. Nobody complains when you say "happy holidays"
We're much more considerate towards other holidays than we are in December. We all wish a happy Bastille Day (July 14) to our French friends and a happy Belgian National Day (July 21) to the Belgians.
9. No creepy men come through your chimney
Uncle Sam uses the front door. He also doesn't eat your cookies, nor does he kiss your mother.
8. TNT doesn't air the same movie for 24 hours
I'd like to see "An Independence Story," though. Peter Billingsley reprises his role as a 45-year-old Ralphie and shoots his eye out with a bottle rocket. You'll be stuck to this sequel like it's a cold pole.
7. The lines at the mall are much shorter
The traffic getting there is also almost nonexistent.
6. Less counting
A countdown to the countdown of 25 days of Christmas? Really ABC Family, really?
5. You can ride in your convertible
You'll look like the prom queen as you cruise down the expressway in your red 2002 Volkswagen Jetta convertible. Is your car not a convertible? Here, I found a great deal on a hacksaw.
No one wants to play with matches.
3. Summer deserts
Oh dirt, how I love you. And you too, strawberry shortcake! And how can I forget you, ice cream sandwiches? You all make candy canes taste like chalk!
2. You can lounge on the beach all day
No one expects you to be anywhere or do anything, so you can do whatever you want.
This one is just self explanatory.
Happy Fourth of July to all, and to all a good day.