24 Questions I Have For Long Beach State

1. Where the hell do all the squirrels come from?

2. And why are they not afraid of me?

3. Is our mascot a 49er or The Beach? Because everything says "Go Beach!" on it, but yet we're still "Home of the 49ers." I get confused.

4. Why is it that an eight-ounce Redbull costs me $3 at the vending machine when I could walk over to 7/11 and get a 12 ounce one for the same price? Are you trying to take advantage of my exhaustion?

5. Why do you let the religious freaks come on campus and scream at me, telling me that I'm going to hell because I had blue hair? I don't need that kind of negativity in my life!

6. Why are the stairs so shallow? They're too short for me to walk up one at a time comfortably, but they're too wide for me to take two at a time.

7. Why is Rush week or Greek week before Week of Welcome? Shouldn't Week of Welcome be the first week? or at least, before Greek Week?

8. Why does the dining hall insist on putting cilantro on everything, including spaghetti? Cilantro only belongs in salsa or tacos.

9. We live in southern California, how come more buildings don't have A/C? I'm not paying this much for a class I sweat in.

10. Why do we have chalkboards in the USU bathroom stalls? That has got to be unsanitary.

11. Is the sculpture by the CBA building suppose to be a vagina or... ? Am I just dirty minded?

12. Why do NONE of ours sculptures make sense? I'm not sure if the one by the USU is a flower or a whale!

13. Why is the Japanese Garden never open when I actually want to go?

14. How come you have elementary/middle schoolers come visit campus during finals week? We all look like shit, and we're scaring them.

15. Why do we have cats on campus? And who takes care of them? What are their names? And if it follows me home, is it really cat-napping?

16. If we're a 'bike friendly community,' why are there signs everywhere that say "Pedestrian Only," and where are people suppose to ride their bikes then?

17. Why do the TV's in the tech part of the bookstore only play "Family Guy," "The Simpsons" and occasionally "The Hobbit"?

18. Really. Be honest with me, how old are the fruits you sell at the convenience stores? I know they're not fresh!

19. How come we have vending machines that sell condoms, but not tampons? And why do we give out more free condoms than feminine hygiene products?

20. How come you tenure the professors that are assholes, but leave the nice and caring ones as only part time?

21. I know what it's for but why do we have an 18 story pyramid in the middle of campus? Is it really necessary?

22. Did or did someone not die in the LA5 elevator? I've been avoiding that thing because I'm afraid the rumors are true, and I don't want that evil spirit to haunt me.

23. How come the multimedia building smells so weird? And why has it not been fixed up or at least condemned?

And my biggest question of all:

24. Where the hell does all my tuition money go?!?