Summer can be one of the most exciting times for a lifeguard, but if you've worked long enough, eventually some of these thoughts will pop into your head..
1. This uniform is giving me the world's worst tan lines.
2. What's going to happen if someone actually needs my help?!
3. I am NOT your child's babysitter, put down the phone and pay attention.
4. Can it just thunder and lightning already?!
Tornado warnings?! Yipee!
5. Why are speedos a thing?
6. Why does summer have to be so freaking hot?!
When you want to be at the pool, so does everyone else.
7. Will the old people complain about me if I yell at them?
8. HOW HARD IS IT TO WALK?!
Seriously, kid, I've told you 12 times.
9. I think chlorine will just be my official scent.
10. Is it bad that I really want to test out the AED for real?
11. What insane person actually swims at 5 o'clock in the freaking morning?
12. Maybe I should sanitize my whistle ...
Just today, my whistle has been in my mouth, my coworker's mouth, the pool, the soda ash, the sink, the dirt and my purse.
13. Ugh, it really wouldn't be half bad if someone dropped a deuce in the pool right now.
Yes, I have thought twice about just chucking a Snickers bar in there.
14. Can you even call that a freestyle?! You look like a bird with two broken wings!
15. Crap, what if her water breaks on my pool deck?!
Just because we are trained in emergency childbirth does NOT mean we would ever want to or feel comfortable doing it. If you are anywhere between 36 and 40 weeks, stay away please!
16. Besides being a lifeguard, I'm basically a certified scientist, babysitter, custodian and coach.
17. Tomorrow's my day off. I think I'll stay inside, ALL DAY!
We sit in the hot sun and buggy outdoors all day at work, sue us for wanting to spend a solid 24 hours inside eating and watching television.
18. If you come to the pool when it's 50 degrees or below, I probably hate you.
19. Wow. This job is GREAT birth control.
Kids? No thanks, not until I'm at least 40, maybe 90.
20. I'm sorry, did you forget to bring your common sense when you walked on to the property?
We're all safer if you just leave.
21. If I have to take another dead animal out of this pool, I swear to God ...
22. I really hope I never have to give you mouth to mouth.
On the other hand, there are a few men I wouldn't mind jumping in for..
HAHA! Just kidding, those guys don't exist!
23. As horrible as this job is, my coworkers are pretty cool, and I've met some VERY interesting people.
Overall, I love my job and you should too! It takes a certain type of person to be able to perform the duties you do without breaking a sweat on the daily!
