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23 Things You'll Eventually Think To Yourself If You're a Lifeguard

There's a reason thunder is a lifeguard's best friend!

Erica Allen

Jul 15, 2015

St John Fisher College

243

23 Things You'll Eventually Think To Yourself If You're a Lifeguard

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Summer can be one of the most exciting times for a lifeguard, but if you've worked long enough, eventually some of these thoughts will pop into your head..

1. This uniform is giving me the world's worst tan lines.

2. What's going to happen if someone actually needs my help?!

3. I am NOT your child's babysitter, put down the phone and pay attention.

4. Can it just thunder and lightning already?!

Tornado warnings?! Yipee!

5. Why are speedos a thing?

6. Why does summer have to be so freaking hot?!

When you want to be at the pool, so does everyone else.

7. Will the old people complain about me if I yell at them?

8. HOW HARD IS IT TO WALK?!

Seriously, kid, I've told you 12 times.

9. I think chlorine will just be my official scent.

10. Is it bad that I really want to test out the AED for real?

11. What insane person actually swims at 5 o'clock in the freaking morning?

12. Maybe I should sanitize my whistle ...

Just today, my whistle has been in my mouth, my coworker's mouth, the pool, the soda ash, the sink, the dirt and my purse.

13. Ugh, it really wouldn't be half bad if someone dropped a deuce in the pool right now.

Yes, I have thought twice about just chucking a Snickers bar in there.

14. Can you even call that a freestyle?! You look like a bird with two broken wings!

15. Crap, what if her water breaks on my pool deck?!

Just because we are trained in emergency childbirth does NOT mean we would ever want to or feel comfortable doing it. If you are anywhere between 36 and 40 weeks, stay away please!

16. Besides being a lifeguard, I'm basically a certified scientist, babysitter, custodian and coach.

17. Tomorrow's my day off. I think I'll stay inside, ALL DAY!

We sit in the hot sun and buggy outdoors all day at work, sue us for wanting to spend a solid 24 hours inside eating and watching television.

18. If you come to the pool when it's 50 degrees or below, I probably hate you.

19. Wow. This job is GREAT birth control.

Kids? No thanks, not until I'm at least 40, maybe 90.

20. I'm sorry, did you forget to bring your common sense when you walked on to the property?

We're all safer if you just leave.

21. If I have to take another dead animal out of this pool, I swear to God ...

22. I really hope I never have to give you mouth to mouth.

On the other hand, there are a few men I wouldn't mind jumping in for..

HAHA! Just kidding, those guys don't exist!

23. As horrible as this job is, my coworkers are pretty cool, and I've met some VERY interesting people.

Overall, I love my job and you should too! It takes a certain type of person to be able to perform the duties you do without breaking a sweat on the daily!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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23 Things You'll Eventually Think To Yourself If You're a Lifeguard

There's a reason thunder is a lifeguard's best friend!

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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