I sit here.

Leaning on this table with my hand on my head

Reminiscing on the last words you’ve said

“Remember, this is not my fault. You made this bed.”

Now I’m stuck.

Wishing I never gave a f…

Like how I was before I met you,

Never leaving the club without a foreign or two.

Cold hearted,

Moving how boys move.

The second bottle of Jack on the nightstand is now halfway empty.

Crazy, because I haven’t touched a bottle since I was twenty.

Before you, I was selfish, lost and bitter.

Never wanted kids

But being with you made me reconsider.

I lost you and I have myself to blame.

Was it because I took too long to give you my last name?

I didn’t make the rules, but I got trapped in the game.

In my heart, making you my wife was the plan.

But, I was too much of a coward instead of having the mind of a man.

My biggest fear was losing your love.

But you deserve a man that can

Feed you spiritually,

Challenge you mentally,

And take care of you emotionally.

I hope he does not one, but all of the above.

Oh, and I’m sorry about that night I gave what was yours back to my ex.

It satisfied me for the moment, but the whole time I know nothing good would happen next.

Maybe you’d still be here bugging and kissing me if I hadn’t answered that text.

I’m sorry I didn’t treat you right like I promised your mother.

Or take care of you like I promised your brother.

I’m sorry I failed you like the men before me, including your father.

But, one things for sure,

The way I am madly in love with you, I could never love another.

I can’t understand why this scene is so vivid

Then it hit me.

Although I swore that before I ever say the last five words, I’ll take a bullet from a gun.

My soul is like that of my mother’s but the truth is,

I am my father’s son.