When You're Black, Nobody's Ever Gonna Catch You Doing These 21 Things

When You're Black, Nobody's Ever Gonna Catch You Doing These 21 Things

Cultural differences are real.
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We have all heard phrases like, "Black people don't do that," or "that's white people shit," and they are usually said in good humor or as a way to tease someone. But ironically, there really are cultural differences between us that affect our day-to-day lives. There is a laundry list of thing Black people really don't do.

1. Eat meat without rinsing it first.

A few weeks ago, the Canadian talk show, The Social, got into a hilarious conversation about how people prepare meat. The take away found that the Black people wash their meat, while white people generally don't. Of course, this conversation spilled over onto social media. Turns out the USDA actually recommends that we don't wash our meat, as it increases the likelihood of splashing germs elsewhere.

But don't expect me or any other Black person to stop washing off the blood and meat nasties. We'll just Lysol everything when we're done.

2. Atheism.

As a whole, Black people tend to be very religious. This isn't to say that there aren't any Black atheists, but many tend to keep it to themselves as not believing in God is extremely taboo.

And there's always a Black auntie ready to splash someone with a little bit of holy water.

3. Go to therapy.

Maybe it's generational. I think a lot of Black millennialS wouldn't mind seeking out professional help, but for the older generation, mental health issues and problems within the family are expected to stay in the family. And if there is someone you feel that you need to talk to about your issues, it better be the pastor.

4. Sit quietly at the movie theater.

I don't know what it is, but black people in particular always have to offer up their commentary.

5. Camp or visit national parks.

We usually don't do bugs, animals, outside toilets, dirt or the dark...so....

6. Support feminism.

Which is only half true when you squint your eyes and tilt your head a bit. Black people don't support the radicalization of white women. But many Black people, Black women, in particular, do support feminism that is intersectional and that is the belief that men and women should be politically, socially and economically equal.

7. Black parents don't host parties for their teenagers...especially not with alcohol.

Black parents favorite line..."I ain't one of your lil friends!"

8. Eat pumpkin pie.

The only pie we acknowledge during the holidays is sweet potato pie.

9. Swim.

This is a big one for Black women in particular. And to clarify, it's not that we can't swim.

For those of us who wear our natural hair, we weigh the cost of an hour in the water versus a few hours washing, sectioning, deep conditioning, rinsing, conditioning again, and then twisting or blow drying our hair, and sometimes it's not worth it. Our hair wash days are planned for the fact that it takes forrrrrrreverrrrr. And for those of us who like to wear weaves or have our hair "done up," why on earth would we want to spend $100+ dollars on a hairstyle just to ruin it by getting it wet?

10. Suffer from anorexia or bulimia.

Again not to say that there aren't any Black people who suffer from one of these eating disorders, but it rare. I think the biggest reason for this is the particular standard of beauty in the Black community, which differs tremendously from the European standard of beauty. We generally don't feel beautiful when we are "skinny," and we tend to prefer larger breasts, butts and thighs. I'd even go as far as to say that Black people just like to eat way more than any other race of people, which is why we sometimes dance when we do it.

Now, notice that I didn't label this point "suffer from eating disorders." I do think Black people struggle with body image issues, weight and eating, but in a very different way. An eating disorder can be excessive eating and many Black people tend to overeat. And in my professional medical opinion (my medical degree was bestowed upon me by Shonda Rhimes after watching 14 seasons of "Grey's Anatomy") many Black people overeat in reaction to stress.

11. Put things in the dishwasher without pre-washing them.

First of all, I know very few Black people who even use their dishwasher to wash dishes. It's simply a big ass drying rack. As we all know, the only way to ensure if your dishes are coming out clean is to hand wash them. That being said, the few times Black people use their dishwasher for what it is are during the holidays or dinner parties and even then, they get pre-washed to make sure they come out spotless.

12. Walk throughout the house with shoes on.

Black people don't track dirt through their homes, especially when they have carpet. The shoes are taken off at the door. And shoes are never worn in the bathroom.

13. Get plastic surgery.

"Black don't crack" could be one reason why you don't see too many Black women with work done to their face, but another could also be economical barriers. I'd also go as far as to say that the idea of plastic surgery is a bit taboo for Black folk who aren't in the public eye. Of course, we've seen people like Lil' Kim whose face has changed every decade, but then there are also famous Black people who have spared the face, but not some of their other body parts such as Tyra Banks, Kelly Rowland and Cardi B.

As the average person, I have to admit, If someone dropped $20,000 in my hands, I can think of at least two things I'd get done. I'm just saying.

14. Go to the doctor.

Partly because many Black people are without health insurance and partly because we don't trust healthcare professionals. It's no secret that many people in the medical field think less of POC, especially Black people. So, we just don't go and try very hard not to die.

15. Commit suicide.

Maybe it's due to religion or maybe it's due to the fact that suicide is too taboo in the Black community, but Black people tend to not take our own lives. (There's really no need when cops do it for us. *cough cough*) In fact, black women in America are the group least likely to commit suicide.

And no, we don't believe Sandra Bland or Timothy Cunningham took their own lives.

16. Wash our hair every day.

The first reason is that it simply isn't healthy for our hair. Our hair dries out very quickly and constantly stripping it of its oils will cause it to become brittle and break. The second reason it that is just straight up takes too much damn time.

17. Vote Republican.

Not that either of the major political parties truly has uplifting Black people as part of their main agenda...

18. Join the NRA.

We feel like the NRA is, well...racist.

19. Put our children on leashes.

No ma'am, no ham, no turkey. It's just weird.

20. Allow our animals to eat at the table with them.

It's gross.

21. Adopt.

At least not in a state sanctioned way. You might not see a ton of black couples walking through orphanages in South America or Russia, but you will definitely see households made up of people who aren't always connected by blood. We informally adopt, nieces and nephews, cousins, grandchildren and friends of the family all the time...we just don't let the government know about it.


Feel free to add more things to this list in the comment section below.

Cover Image Credit: Julian Howard

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12 Things Only Low-Maintenance Girls Understand

I promise we aren’t lazy, just easy going.
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Sometimes low-maintenance girls are looked at as lazy or sloppy. But in reality, I think low-maintenance girls are just so confident in who they are that putting in that extra effort isn't important to them.

Here are 12 things that only low-maintenance girls understand:

1. Leggings or sweat pants and a T-shirt is your normal everyday outfit

Why spend the day uncomfortable in some tight jeans or mini skirt when you can lounge around in some comfy clothes? We aren't here to impress anyone, we are just trying to sit back and chill.

2. Makeup is a special occasion

If you catch a low-maintenance girl with makeup on, take it as a compliment. We are trying to touch our face and rub our eyes as much as we'd like without makeup getting in the way. Not to mention, we wouldn't dare spend over $15 on some foundation.

3. We would rather stay in with a movie then go out for the evening

Something low-key and low stress always sounds better than spending the time, and the money, for a night out. I am perfectly content with taking advantage of my $7.99 monthly payment for Netflix.

4. You're always the first one ready

While your friends spend hours doing their hair, makeup and then finding the perfect outfit, you sit around and wait. Your 10 minutes thrown-together-look gives you time to nap while everyone else takes their sweet time.

5. When you say you "don't care what we do," you really don't care

Seriously, a date night off the McDonald's dollar menu is fine by me. I am not expecting you to wine and dine me on a big extravagant evening, I'm just trying to get a Big Mac in my mouth.

6. Your messy bun isn't a fashion statement, it's actually just your hairstyle

We aren't about to spend time curling or straightening our hair everyday. Every day is a good day to throw your hair up into a ponytail or bun.

7. The extent of your jewelry collection is one pair of earrings and maybe a necklace

Who needs more than one pair of earrings? Diamond studs match everything… right?

8. And your shoe collection is even smaller

Should I wear flip-flops or Converse?

9. Shopping isn't exactly your favorite thing to do

Who has patience for finding the perfect designer brands or finding the best fit? I am perfectly content with my T-shirts and leggings. One size fits all.

10. Your favorite gifts are the sentimental ones, not the expensive ones

A homemade card or a small gift that makes someone think of you is forever better and more meaningful than an expensive present. I don't want your money, I just want to know you thought of me.

11. You don't put in the effort to chase after a guy

I'm awesome and I know it. If a guy is worth it enough to be in my life, he can come after me. I am not down for any games or players. Just someone who embraces my low-maintenance qualities.

12. You are always the first person to help someone out

Giving your friends a ride or lending them two dollars isn't a huge deal. Just helping someone out gives you peace of mind. Everyone should have time to help a homie out.

Cover Image Credit: http://www.cosboots.com/sale/christmas/christmas.html

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We Are More Than Categories And It's High Time We Stop Letting Online Personality Tests Define Us

Why are we letting online personality test define our greatest faults?

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Obsession. This is the best word that can be used to describe the era of online personality tests. Between "Meyers Briggs" and the oh so popular "Enneagram Test," the nation has become obsessed with primary numbers, wing numbers, personality codes, and "personal" descriptions. People are writing books, recording podcasts, sharing articles, and using up air time on anything and everything related to personality tests.

Which celebrity are you most like? What type of person do you want on your team? The search results are endless.

I can not even begin to count the number of times I have heard, "oh you must be a _____ (insert Enneagram number here)!" or "What is your Meyers Briggs? That makes total sense for you." What can be wrong with these online tests? We're learning about ourselves and how to relate and work with one another, aren't we?

Well... sort of. These online personality tests provide faults as well as strengths. They put people into categories based on what they struggle with the most — and we are taking those faults to heart.

The "Enneagram Test" breaks the world into 9 types of people. These 9 topics are 1. The Reformer, 2. The Helper, 3. The Achiever 4. The Individualist, 5. The Investigator, 6. The Loyalist, 7. The Enthusiast, 8. The Challenger, and 9. The Peacemaker. Once you receive your number you also are assigned a "wing" number or the number you are closest to ex: 3 Wing 2 means that you are considered to be a part of "The Achiever" group but lean toward "The Helper."

When you receive your results, you also get a ton of information pretty much breaking down exactly who you are, what you're great at, and what you struggle with. While I do recognize that some of this information can be helpful, it is even more important to remember that everyone is different and just because your test results say you have trouble committing does not mean that you're going to struggle in every future relationship.

These results are molds. They are meant to be used to aid in self-evaluation, not to determine exactly how you view yourself.

Like anything else, the obsession with personality tests will fade, but until then, we should be paying attention to the benefits of personality tests rather than the dangers. Spending 3 hours reading about why your type is doomed to fail is not going to help you with anything. Use your results to appreciate the things you're really good at. Use your results to improve your team skills.

But for the love of God, please do not obsess over every small personality detail. The world is made of individual people who are all very different from one another. There is no reason to stick yourself in a category that you feel like you can't change.

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