Becoming a young adult is a time for self-growth and discovery, learning about the world around you, and figuring out the type of person you want to be. There will no doubt be bumps and forks in the road, but with every challenge comes a lesson to be learned. Along with learning how to navigate life's knocks, you will also pick up many valuable life skills and life lessons along the way.
Take advice when it's offered, and never be afraid to ask for help when you need it. We all thought we were so grown up as high schoolers, but it's really between the ages of eighteen and twenty-one that we really come into our own and experience numerous new things that shape us into the adults we are becoming. There is so much to know and so many qualities to develop during this time that I feel that it would be useful to list a number of these, many of which have helped me over the years. With that said, here are 21 values, skills, and qualities to develop by the time you turn twenty-one.
1. Know how to cope with change
Life is full of unexpected changes and events, particularly during your young, formative years. You will need to learn how to cope on your own. Sometimes you won't have anyone there to turn to and you'll just have yourself. Moving into college, for instance, requires much self-reliance as you won't have your parents/caregivers close by for help anymore. Of course you will create important relationships with people who will be there to lean on, but for the most part, any changes/difficulties that occur throughout your time at college and well after that you will be handling on your own. Be your own guide and biggest supporter.
2. Know how to handle difficult people
No matter how kind or giving you are to others, there will always be those people who you just can't get along with. Like the song says, "people can be so cold, they'll hurt you and desert you."
Learn how to sense when someone is plain bad for you. If you get into an altercation, never raise your voice or later gossip about them, as this will provide them with ammunition to use against you. Be the bigger person. Be civil. If it's a bad roommate, calmly explain how you feel and if nothing changes then learn to just coexist. If it's a bad friend, explain why they have hurt you and walk away from the friendship if they won't change. If it's just a rude and offensive person in general, be strong, be kind, and don't let on that they've hurt you in any way. Bullies like to see the pain in their victims, don't show it. Rather, be calm and respectful and then move on from the situation. No one has the power to hurt you or bring you down unless you let them.
3. Always have at least $5 in your wallet when you go out
No matter where you're going or with whom, always have some cash on you to ensure that if you unexpectedly need something, you'll be all set. Cash is king. It's more reliable than a credit card as it's not in digital form.
There's no worse feeling when you're out than needing to buy something right away and having no money. It's also good in case whoever you're with needs a few extra bucks.
Having at least $5 with you can come in handy for those times of emergency, like say, needing a taxi ride or something to eat/drink if you're feeling weak. No matter what it may be, cash will always act as a safety net.
4. Know how to cook
I can't emphasize this one enough. Learn how to cook! You can't rely on someone else to cook for you all the time nor is it economical to eat out for most meals. Cooking for yourself saves money, time, and is healthier for you.
When living on your own for the first time, which for many is during college, knowing how to make a few basic dishes will serve you well in the long run. One step towards true independence is preparing your first successful full meal. Not many college-aged people cook for most of their meals, as they may feel it's too difficult or time-consuming.
However, it really isn't as tough as one may think. Meal prep on the weekends if you're too busy during the week. Save money and cut coupons for groceries if you're on a tight budget. Cooking should be fun! Having people over your place for a dinner party, for instance, is a lot more special than just ordering out. It also shows others that you're on your way to becoming an independent adult who can rely on themselves.
And let's face it, hot pockets and Chinese get old real fast (though of course, nothing's wrong with take-out/frozen meals every now and then).
5. Know how to defend and protect yourself
Now that you're on your own and not relying on your family so much anymore for transportation or help, you need to be very aware of your surroundings and safety. Learn self-defense. Double lock your doors. Don't meet anyone you've met online in person unless you are certain about who they really are.You are going to be on your own a lot more these days and if you ever run into a tricky situation, knowing basic defense mechanisms will serve you well, and may even save your life.
This goes for both men and women. Protect yourself by always going out with a charged phone, with at least one other person, and avoid dark areas with few people. If you feel you need extra protection, download a safety app such as the Walk With Me or Companion apps.
The world is a daunting place, and knowing how to protect yourself in times of uncertainty is vital.
6. Never show up to someone's home/event empty handed
It is proper etiquette to always bring something with you when going to someone's home for a party or event. It shows that you respect your host(s) and want to give back for their hospitality. If it's a dinner party, make/buy something you know they'll enjoy. If it's a casual get-together, wine/alcohol and something as simple as a bag of chips works. Even if the host(s) insist you don't need to bring anything, bring something regardless. They'll be so grateful and think fondly of you as a generous, courteous person.
You don't have to break the bank either. Just showing up with something is a sign that you are grateful for their hospitable actions. And if for some reason you do show up empty-handed, because life does get in the way, offer to help them clean/set up, or take them out for coffee/lunch the following week. Good deeds are well remembered.
7. Develop clean habits
Know how to keep your living space tidy. Learn how to do your own laundry, be able to clean the bathroom/kitchen, take out the trash. These types of habits that you develop now will carry over well into your adulthood. It also will make your roommates, if you have any, very pleased and relieved knowing that they live with someone who can keep up with necessary chores.
However, if you notice something hasn't been done yet by anyone, like say, the trash is overflowing or the sink is full of dirty dishes. Take care of it! But of course, this doesn't mean that your roommates should take advantage, either.
But it's important that you stay on top of the cleanliness of your living space even if the people you live with don't. Someday, sooner than you think, you'll own your own home. With such a large investment comes large responsibility in terms of upkeep. The cleaner and more organized your home is, whether that be right now as your college dorm/apartment or later your own house, the better you'll feel and live.
8. Know when to walk away
You can't please everyone or get along with everyone. No matter how hard you try, some people just won't see your side of things or like you in general. And that's OK. It's part of life. No one's worth getting anxiety over or fighting for days-on-end with.
Eventually, you just have to throw in the towel and walk away. If it's a friendship gone sour, accept that it just can't be fixed and move on. If it's a romantic relationship where your partner is making your life harder than better, accept that he/she just isn't the right person for you and move on.
Even some family relationships are better ended than kept by force, for even those you share DNA with can bring you down and negatively impact your life. Walk away from them, too. At the end of the day, you are what matters the most. Your mental health and life come first. Life is too short to waste on people who just drain you mentally and sap the happiness and positive energy out of your life. Better to walk away, close the book, than to let things drag on with the wrong people.
9. Appreciate the people who love you
Hold onto those who love and care about you. The older we get, the harder it is to find genuine people you can trust and lean on. Those who show you kindness, generosity, and lift you up both mentally and spiritually are who matter in your life. It can be easy to take people like this for granted, as you assume that they'll always be there.
Remember to show them the same love they have show you. Even if it's just one person who makes such a powerful impact on your life, be grateful. One true connection with someone is better than having a dozen, shallow connections with people who only want to use you. I personally would rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies
10. Write thank you notes
Please please please always remember to send a thank you card to people who assist you in an important way. For the most part, these are either professors or potential employers. It's a sign of respect and maturity to send a handwritten note of thanks to someone who's just interviewed you for a job, as this makes you appear to them as someone who not only is courteous but who also wants to be remembered and stand out from other candidates. Even an email will suffice.
Always send a thank you card to a professor or staff member who has assisted you. They really don't expect student to do this anymore, so leave them pleasantly surprised. It also makes you more memorable to them. I'll never forget when I wrote out thank you cards to my marketing club advisors for helping out with an important event, and how appreciative and surprised they were as they rarely ever receive such cards, they explained. You never know how far a simple "thank you" can take you.
11. Know how to budget
If you are living on your own, you need to be sure you save enough money to pay your rent and have enough left over for things such as groceries, toiletries, social outings, etc.
Each month, write out a budget of how much you currently have in the bank to spend and how much you need to spend. Save coupons and buy in bulk. Store brand works just as well as name brand, and keep an eye out for sales. These small changes go a long way in terms of saving your money. Yes it's difficult, especially when you need to forgo a restaurant outing or buying that pair of shoes you want in order to buy groceries and pay the utility bill, but eventually, this will become routine and pretty soon you'll have that extra cash to spend on yourself.
12. Don't listen to hearsay, rather trust your own judgment
People love to talk about other people. It's human nature. Gossip and rumors are part of our society, especially in college. No matter how big your campus is, everyone seems to know everything about everyone. People will even exaggerate and talk badly about others all based on hearsay. I can't even begin to list the number of times I've either overheard gossip, been told gossip directly, or have been the subject of gossip myself. It's unavoidable. Most of the time, this "information" is untrue or an exaggeration about someone.
What drives me nuts is when people believe such hearsay without even really knowing the person it's about. I live by the "I'll believe it when I see it" motto and to be honest, it's worked in my favor. Learn to trust your judgment and ignore hearsay because that's all it is, hear and say. People hear something and make it more than it is, creating a false image of someone.
Your gut instinct is likely more reliable than someone's opinions about certain people and situations.
13. Own at least one business suit
Whether you get a fast call back for a job interview, need to make a presentation for class, or have a professional event to attend, owning one perfectly-fitting business suit will not only help you look the part, but you will also feel the part. First impressions really are important, especially in the realm of business and professionalism, so you'll want to come across as someone who is sure of themselves and prepared. It's not called a "power suit" for nothing.
14. Respect your elders
No matter how much your parents may drive you crazy, how much your professors may leave you irritated, or how much those a lot older than you may get on your nerves, always be polite and respectful. We as millennials are given a bad rep, so it's important we prove older generations wrong. To get respect you need to give respect. That cranky old woman who just yelled at you in the supermarket for bumping into her? Maybe it's the anniversary of her husband's death. Your mom/dad just flipped out on you over something small? Maybe they had a bad day at work or are stressed about all the bills they need to pay. Your professor seems unbearably tough? Well, inform them of how you feel but be sure to be mature and polite about it. Our elders have dealt with a lot in their lives, more than we have for certain, so just be kind and respectful to them.
However, don't let them talk down to you or demean you just because they assume you're naive and inexperienced. Prove them wrong, but with dignity.
15. Read a book for pleasure
Reading is a great way to grow your brain and relax. Keep your imagination alive. Life can be stressful and uncertain, especially as a young adult, so just pick up a book and escape from reality from awhile.
16. Let loose now and then
You're never going to be this young again, so live it up! Go to parties, stay out until dawn, drink (responsibly) with your friends, ask that cute someone you've been crushing on to hang out, go on spontaneous trips, enjoy this time in your life where you have few responsibilities. Of course, always remember to be safe, too.
17. It's OK to screw up sometimes
You're young, you're going to fall on your face. It's all part of growing up. This is the time in your life where it's okay to make mistakes or hit low points. These hard times will not ruin the rest of your life, rather, they will improve the rest of your life as you have gained important experience and learned valuable lessons. Always pick yourself back up. One bad move won't determine the rest of your life.
18. Never let your drunk friends stray more than 5ft from you
When you're out with your friends and you've noticed that they've had a little too much to drink, make sure to all stay together. Bad things can happen to drunk people, especially girls, more often than you think, so keep an eye out for each other. Have apps like Uber and Lyft on your phone. Notice who they are talking to. Don't let them wander out of your sight. One second can be life-changing. Be smart.
19. Know how to change a tire and check oil levels
Auto shops and car dealerships like to prey upon the young and inexperienced. Yes, this sounds extreme but it's true. I've seen it. These places will try to get you to pay as much as possible for a problem that you could've fixed on your own. Ask someone to show you how to maintain your car and when you should actually go to a mechanic for help.
Also, if you are ever stranded on the side of the road when your car breaks down, you'll need to know what to do if no help is available. With that being said, take some time to ask for guidance regarding car maintenance. Those few minutes of learning can really help you out down the road (no I did not plan this pun haha).
20. Forgive yourself for your past
The past is over. It's done. You can't change it, but rather you should take all that's happened and learn from it. Don't beat yourself up over regrets or missed opportunities. Instead, work to prevent such from happening again. If you hated the person you were yesterday, work on becoming the person you've always wanted to be tomorrow. Don't let who you were drag you down.
Some things in life are out of your control. You can't blame yourself for every bad thing that has happened to you. Instead, live for the present and the future, using your past only as a reference and a lesson. The future hasn't happened yet, and who knows? Maybe the best days of your life are right around the corner. Don't let any part of your past inhibit you from living your best life from this point on.
21. You don't need to have life completely figured out right now
As young adults, it's easy to feel a sense of uncertainty and panic over what you should and shouldn't be doing. You'll see your peers accelerating faster than you in certain regards, and that may make you feel like you aren't doing enough or that you're a failure. Stop! Everyone's on their own path. Some may achieve things before you, but that doesn't mean you'll never achieve your goals either. Remember how far you've come and where you want to go. Don't compare yourself to others, as you don't know everything that's going on with them. One big mistake our generation is making is assuming that everyone else is doing better than themselves.
Now, with social media, people are only showing the highlights of their lives, painting a picture that the grass is seemingly greener on their side. It's not true. You don't see everything nor do they see everything about you. You may think someone has their life together but in actuality, they may not.
Everyone at this age struggles. Everyone at this age experiences confusion about what they want to do in life as well as have feelings of self-doubt. It's all normal. What matters is that you make goals for yourself and that you stick with them. Yes, you will fail at times, but you also will succeed at times.
It's rare and actually questionable if someone has their whole life planned out and runs into no obstacles at the ages of 18 or 21, so please, take a step back and give yourself a break. You will end up where you need to be and with who you're meant to be with. It's not supposed to happen immediately.
Take a deep breath. Being young is like being on a roller coaster. There will be twists and turns and moments where it feels like your entire world is turning upside down. But sometimes, all you can do is just sit back and enjoy the ride.
