"April 16th, 1994. 34 days babe. A month and 4 days until I get to see your beautiful, shining smile, your loving eyes, and that small dimple on your right cheek. I've gotten all of your recent letters; they keep me going over here. It's gotten tough the last few days. There are things here I will never be able to un-see. I try to think about the evening at 21 rocks with you, that usually makes the sights here more bearable. Don't worry about me, I'm doing well. Until the next letter, my fiancée. Love, Brady."

Tears began to roll down my face as I read his letter. I can't handle the thought of my fiancée, the love of my life, seeing heinous things and dealing with guns being pointed at him. I think me being thousands of miles away from him is tough, but I seem to forget his side is tougher. I sit day after day worrying about him, but yet I'm here. I'm in the arms of another man and I cannot bring myself to say a single word to Brady about it. I keep thinking to myself, "Dammit Rose, what are you doing. You are ruining your life because you're not strong enough to handle the distance." How could I be so selfish?

I'm sure Brady is sitting across seas completely alone, and patiently waiting for his platoon to be called home. I'm sure he is showcasing our engagement, and here I am in someone else's home. I'm sure he's telling everyone what a perfect night we had at 21 rocks – but it was perfect. We were sitting near the water, with our feet barely touching the surface. I had brought our favorite cheesecake, and Brady had brought our favorite wine. I was so used to him taking me out on dates that it didn't seem out of the ordinary. We sat and talked until dusk, gazing at the overcast glow the sun created. For that moment in time, I felt like I was in a storybook. Right before the sun kissed the water, I look over at Brady and he was down on one knee. He had a speech prepared, and he had gotten me my dream ring. I was speechless. Tears of joy and a little mascara stained my cheekbones as I nodded my head. We were spewing with happiness and so much love.

I think about 21 rocks almost daily. I wish it had never happened. I wish I had never met someone so perfect, so pure. Brady is the type of man that every girl wishes for; the prince to the princess. When he left for his tour, I couldn't help but think my fairy tale was ending. I hate to admit that I had doubts about our long-distance relationship. We had gone to counseling, and tried preparing for it as much as we could, but is anyone genuinely ready for a life-altering change like that? At 19 years old, we were just kids. We had no clue what we wanted, we just knew we were in love. A few months into his tour, we had written letters daily. My stationary set was waiting for my arrival every day after work. His mother and I would meet weekly to go over things that had happened in his immediate family's lives. I wanted him to feel as if he was still here with us. I prayed for him at church, I cried myself to sleep almost every night, and yet he was still gone.

I am 22 now. Brady has been gone for almost four years. I have seen him three times since he left, only for short amounts of time. Luckily, last Christmas he was able to fly home for two days. I hate to remember the very first time I cheated on Brady, my fiancé. It was at a work party in March of 1993. A couple of co-workers and I had a few too many drinks and decided to stay at a hotel. I had always had a flirtatious relationship with Luke, but it never went further than conversation – until that night. I had been crying earlier because of Brady. I missed him so terribly, and I was so sick of being questioned about his tour. I was planning on getting so drunk that night, I didn't plan on ruining my marriage. I know I need to tell Brady about what happened. I know what I did, and continue to do is wrong, I just don't have the right words.

"May 16th, 1994. 4 days Rose! You have no idea what this past month has been like for me. We haven't had much to do on the field which is nice, so I've had a lot of time to think about wedding plans. What do you think about getting married at 21 rocks? It's always been a special place for us, and I'd love for it to be 'the place.' My friend Zach was just engaged here too, I thought that was pretty cool. We will finally have couple friends! We fly out of here in two days. I cannot wait to see you. I love you. Brady."

This is absolutely killing me. I have to tell him. I have to. I know it will break his heart, and ruin us, but I can't have him come home to an empty house. Maybe I'll tell him I got a job offer in London like I've always wanted? No, he would never lie to me, so I can't do the same. I haven't written to him in about a month, so I hate that this is the letter he will receive. I picked up my stationary set and began to write my very last letter.

"May 17th, 1994. Hey, Brady. I'm glad you have been doing well. Work has been super crazy over here, but I'm getting by. I haven't spoken to your mother any time lately, but I assume they are all doing well. I am sorry that I've neglected to tell you, but I cheated on you. I don't expect you to write back, forgive me, or talk to me ever again. I'm so sorry. I love you."

Do I love you? I just told my fiancé who is coming home in a few days that I cheated on him, AND I love him. Who have I become? I used to worship this man, and now I can barely keep a conversation. I have no idea what to expect when he comes home. I almost wish he wouldn't come home. I wish I wouldn't have to deal with this or face him with this guilt. I hate what I have done but I can't change it.

May 19th, 1994 Brady landed in Raleigh. May 19th is also when I left Luke's for good. I couldn't continue to ruin myself living there. I had to find myself again, find the real Rose. I have been with men ever since high school. I have never sat down and thought about what I like to do or what I enjoy. Unfortunately, Luke's house is only a few away from Brady's. As I drove by our house, memories flooded my brain. I watched Brady get out of his car, and walk into the house. I felt numb. There he was. He was finally home, and I'm not there to welcome him. I parked my car in the alleyway across the street and started balling. I dug myself a hole so deep I don't know if I will ever get out. Watching my ex-fiancé walk into our home, after four years of being gone absolutely broke me. What is he feeling? What is he thinking? I wish so badly I could ask him these words. As soon as I begin to drive to my sisters, my phone buzzes.

"Made it home. Thought you'd like to know." It was from Brady. I threw my phone on the floor, and sped as fast as I could to get out of that damned town. When I got all settled in at my sisters, I sat up all night replaying the last few hours in my head over and over. Do I text him back? Do I get a new phone with a new number? Who am I kidding, I can't live without this man. And, if I ever wanted to talk to him, I have his phone number memorized. I finally fell asleep, after hours of sedated mind-games. The next morning, and the few after that I couldn't thank my sister enough for allowing me to stay and 're-start.'

Months go by, and I still have not spoke to Brady. He is on my mind daily, and it irks me to not be able to speak to him. I read in the paper that he had opened up a bar in town. Seems like he is doing just fine. Here I am, hating my job, living in my sisters basement because of one stupid mistake. I have to fix this, I can't go on living without Brady. I know the odds of him taking me back, or even talking to me in the first place is pretty slim to none, but I want to try. I can't go on living like this. After work, I decided to go think for a little bit at 21 rocks. I was not prepared for what came next.

Looking up at the stars, listening to the waves splash up and over the rocks, I hear "hello." It was him. "Hello," I said with a quick turn of the head, knowing exactly who I just heard. "I didn't expect to find you here." My eyes were wide for a moment, and I felt paralyzed.

"I could same the same for you," he said softly.

I pulled out the ring I had saved for months, wiggling it between my fingers.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I uh, came here to think," I looked back to the water, pondering if this is actually happening or not.

"Would you like to talk for awhile?" he asked, moving a little bit closer to me.

"For a while," I replied wondering what on Earth brought us both here tonight.

"I've missed you," he sighed.

"I've missed you more," I said with my heart pounding, and mind racing.