Growing up, it always seemed like people in their 20s had it figured out. No one really said it outright, but it just looked like once you hit that magical age where you were no longer a teenager, you would know what was going on and everything would look generally like some version of an episode of "Friends."
That was wrong, incredibly wrong.
The truth is, the "20-somethings" don't have it figured out, but really have just fallen down enough times to learn a few things from the scrapes and bruises they've gotten along the way.
So here, as I entered my 21st year, I realized I have been given so much more than just the ability to legally buy alcohol:
1. You are not as mature as you think you are.
And that's perfectly normal. Being young gives you a little room to be stupid, so don't waste it because it won't last forever.
2. If you trust someone and tell them your secrets, and they go and tell everybody, that's not on you--that's on them.
We will lose people from our lives and get our hearts broken; sooner or later we lose the qualities that make us who we are, like the open and trusting spirit and the "Welcome to my life, I trust you" quality. But you can find it again. You can, as long as you continue day by day living your life, putting one foot in front of the other, and having faith in the fact that trusting people, loving people, and letting people in is not a irresponsible thing to do.
3. Don't neglect your relationships with your family members.
Blood is thicker than water. You'll be surprised the best friend you can find in your mom, the fashion expert you'll uncover in your sister, the laugh until you're almost in tears good time you'll have with your brother, or the C.S Lewis wisdom you'll dig up with some one-on-one time with your dad.
4. Let your phone die every once in awhile.
You'll find that not being able to be found can be a breath of fresh air.
5. Stop checking her Instagram.
Tearing apart all of her posts, tweets and pictures isn't going to make you any prettier or any better of a person. Just press unfollow or whatever button that will take her off your newsfeed. You'll find that putting away the measuring stick and stopping the game of comparison will make you feel a heck of a lot better than any roast session will. I promise.
6. Another person's actions are never really about you.
We don't know what's made scars on a person or what they are fighting to overcome. What they do and say isn't a reflection of you, but the small part of the battle they are facing that we see on the surface. Remember that. Because it really isn't about you.
7. Having chemistry with someone doesn't mean you have to like them.
Don't be afraid to fall in love with someone as a best friend. It's refreshing, freeing and you may come out with a friendship like you've never had before.
8. If you they don't know you, their opinion does not matter to you.
They may have known you a year go, or two months ago, but if they do not know you right now, right in the moment you are in they have no way of having an ounce of knowledge on you are. People will find anything about you and twist it into a story where it's weird or wrong or annoying or strange or bad. Live your life in spite of the people who don't understand you; you have to have more fun they do, with the people who know you exactly in the moment you are in.
9. Take pictures.
Posed group shots. Silly best friend shots. Cute couple pictures. Dare I say it--family pictures? But most importantly, unexpected candids. Trust me, that "ugly laugh" you're sure you have is actually the most natural and beautiful side you possess. Dare to document it. Because down the road you'd rather have too many pictures than none at all.
10. Learn to count your blessings--literally.
Buy a journal, grab a pen, and write down every thing you are thankful for. And not just the big ones where you make the sports team or cast list you wanted or you didn't totally flunk that test you thought you would, but the small ones, too. The familiar creek of the back door when you get in after a long day, the way the reading lamp glows as you read through the night, or the sound of your best friend's laugh.
11. Cry.
When you're happy, when you're sad, when you're mad, don't be afraid to face emotions head on.
12. Don't let anyone discredit what you want to do with your life.
Don't get embarrassed or discouraged when someone asks you, "so what are you going to do with that major?" Simply smile, and tell them you may not be sure, but you'd be more than happy to show them. This is your life, don't let anyone take that away from you.
13. Sometimes all you need is a chocolate milkshake, french fries and your mom.
And that's perfectly alright.
14. Don't be afraid to go against the grain.
Stay in with a small group instead of going downtown. Wear red lipstick on a weekday. Date that younger guy. There's no better way to turn people's heads than to walk the other way.
15. You are a part of a bigger story.
Don't let a lesser story in your life distract you from that. That ex that you can't seem to let go of, that best friend who deserted you when you got something that they wanted, or that internship that fell through the cracks--they are all lesser stories. Stop making them big ones. Bigger is always better, right? So don't let the lesser stories take you away from the bigger and better one that's right in front of you.
16. Laugh at your problems.
Go ahead, I dare you. Because somewhere in that laughter you'll find that no, your world isn't ending, whatever is happening isn't really that bad and it's a lot easier to face something with a smile than with a pity party with the attendance of one.
17. It's not a crime to pick a Mountain Dew and cheeseburger over a soy latte and sushi every once in awhile.
Seriously. It's not. We've all been there.
18. Ask people how they are and mean it.
Ask your friend, the cashier at Walmart, your teachers, your parents. You'll be surprised with answers you get and the things you'll learn about the people around you.
19. Do something with your summers.
Work at a camp. Serve in a different country. Babysit those kids down the street. You'll look back one day and wish you hadn't sat by the pool and slept in till half way through the afternoon--avoid that now.
20. You don't always have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Despite what everything in our culture tells you, jumping into something new isn't going to help you heal and move on from your ex. And having someone there all the time to tell you how pretty you are or to cuddle with you whenever you want is extremely overrated. Especially if you haven't learned how to be by yourself on a Friday night or be able to look in the mirror and believe what you see is beautiful.
21. Things don't always have to be complicated.
And if they feel like they are, jump in the car, roll the windows down, and go and belt out the songs you need. Remind yourself the only person who controls how big your worries get is you.
