My whole entire life I have never been someone who feels like I need to be in a relationship to be happy. I have always been super content being independent and not having to rely on someone else. I am now 21 and do not know what it is like to be in a real relationship. I only dated maybe two people in my whole life and I do not even think you can count those because they were back when I was a freshman in high school. Now, being in college, I struggle sometimes with knowing I have never been in a real relationship with someone, nor have I had an emotional connection with someone on the level my peers around me have. I love being super independent; but also, it would be nice to understand what it feels like to truly date someone.
My college experience has been great I have learned a lot about myself especially when it has come to dating. I always say I hate dating but the truth is I have never met anyone worth my time to date. I feel like I always end up being surrounded by friends who have dated so many more people than myself. I also feel like sometimes I miss out on experiences because I choose not to date people in high school or even in college. My friends have all had these experiences of going on dates or going to date parties that I have not been able to experience. I do not know what it is like to spend a birthday or Christmas with someone. All these experiences I have missed out since choosing to not date.
However, I have learned that even when I struggle with never having that connection with someone I understand that someone will come in my life when I am ready. My education has always been the main focus that I will always put above anything else. But, sometimes I do not allow myself to have connections with people out of fear that they will get in the way of my own personal focuses and goals. I try to not let other people get in the way of my future but it sometimes costs me experiences. Although I know that someone will come along who is meant for me, I know that I have to reach out of my comfort zone if I want things to happen for me the way they do for my friends.
Someday, I know I will be grateful for allowing myself to be so independent and not be drawn into being hung up on guys and dating. I know that someday life is going to give me someone that makes me not have to focus only on myself and my goals. It is okay for now that I am 21 and never been in love with anyone. I know life works in crazy ways. So, I will be okay not knowing true love yet because one day it will happen for me.
