The 2016 Presidential Election campaign period has been undeniably crazy. The caucuses and primaries have not ceased to be surprising and somewhat disheartening. Media sites are blowing up with the newest gossip about candidates, platforms, and who said what. Candidates are acting like spoiled children with no concern for their constituents or the people of the United States. With all the nonsense going on, there is no doubt that America is conflicted. But despite varying political opinions, there are some sentiments all college students share. Here are 20 Thoughts All College Students have About the Presidential Election:
1. Ted Cruz’s face is incredibly unsettling.
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I do not want to be a jerk or judge a candidate based solely on their appearance, but that is exactly what I am doing. Ted Cruz is not pleasant to look at; he is kind of scary, actually. Some people even think he looks like a serial killer—I do not blame them.
2. Is it bad that I think Marco Rubio is attractive?
Once again, I’m judging a candidate based on his appearance. I am actually surprised people are not voting for him. People typically vote for the most attractive candidate, but for some reason, good looks are not helping Rubio’s campaign.
3. Free college sounds nice.
But how? I understand the idea of reallocating tax money, but as one of my favorite memes states: “okay… That sounds fake, but okay."
4. I want a woman to be president.
But Hillary Clinton? What about Hilary Duff instead? Ready for Hilary (Duff) 2016. She is a candidate I could support.
5. Mexico is never going to pay for that wall.
It’s just not.
6. I should run for president.
Platform: free college, free Netflix, heck, free everything!
7. What the heck is a super delegate?
I mean, really. Is a super delegate is just a representative who does not have to do their duty as a representative? Do they really not have to listen to what their constituents say? That does not sound like democracy to me.
8. How does the Electoral College actually work?
Here’s the real question. Does anyone understand this? Do members of the Electoral College even understand this?
9. Maybe I should just move.
Canada does not have to deal with Donald Trump… yet, at least. I hear Ireland is particularly beautiful this time of year.
10. Poor Jeb Bush.
He really does not seem like that bad of a guy, but every time he appeared in a debate, I wanted to sing “Mmm watcha say."
11. I would not trust Ben Carson to operate on my brain.
He may be a neurosurgeon, but he is a neurosurgeon who does not trust other scientists. He does not believe in Global Warming or Evolution. I just cannot trust a scientist who does not trust other scientists.
12. My fourth grade student council speech was so much better than these debates.
I do not want to watch a bunch of grown men literally compare the sizes of their penises; I would much rather be offered pizza for lunch every day and longer recess.
13. Why aren’t my fellow Millennials voting?
If every single Millennial voted, our age group could completely alter the results of an election. We outnumber every other age group, but 18-24-year-olds have super low voter turnout. We need to change that!
14. Which Republican will drop out next?
I imagine Tyra Banks handing each Republican a picture, "The Bachelorette" handing each candidate a rose, or perhaps more accurately, And Then There Were None…
15. I really need to block that relative on Facebook.
We all have an intensely racist, Trump-supporting, neo-Nazi relative on Facebook. None of us want to see those posts, but none of us want to deal with the tension at family reunions, either.
17. Trump parodies are the best parodies.
Smearing Cheetos on your face to achieve the Trump-like glow, Racists for Trump, and John Oliver’s Make Donald Drumpf Again give me life.
17. I’m kind of scared for America
Honestly, though. Between the racism, sexism, and homophobia displayed by multiple candidates running for president, I am concerned.
18. I swear I am more informed than the majority of 'real adults' voting.
I heard a 40-year-old women say that she enjoyed judging high school debate competitions because she could then be an informed voter. Adults are relying on people who cannot even vote to teach them what they are voting on.
19. Michelle Obama would make a great president.
So we might not all be thinking this one, but it’s not exactly an uncommon idea. First Lady Michelle Obama is undeniably bada**, and would have no problem whipping this country into shape.
20. Can I believe anything I see in the media?
We know the media lies and news sources are biased. Some are even funded or supported by specific candidates. Who is telling the truth? Who can I trust?
Note: if anyone tries to use this as an example of how brainless, uninformed, and shallow Millennials are, remind them that more informed and specific opinions are too varied, developed, and personal for a single author to encompass in a short list meant to represent every college student in existence. Then prove to them just how smart, informed, and deep Millennials truly are.
