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20 Things They Don't Teach You In The Education Program

But you learn quickly as a first year teacher

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20 Things They Don't Teach You In The Education Program
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In college, I was one of those weird kids who never changed their major. I knew from day one that I wanted to be a social studies teacher. I spent hours studying best practices and classroom management techniques, thinking up fun projects and bulletin boards, writing lesson plans, and dreaming of my perfect first classroom filled with awkward angelic 'tweens. I was going to be the teacher of all teachers. Then I actually started teaching.

I landed my first teaching job in January 2016 at a school that was facing some serious turnover problems as well as other challenges many inner city schools encounter. I was the fourth teacher of the school year (not including the revolving door of substitutes), and I was graced with a fifth grade math and science teaching position. My license is for sixth through12th grade history. Hilarious. Seriously, how could you not laugh?

Not only was this my first full time teaching gig, but if this was the Hunger Games, the odds would not be in my favor. No class I took could have possibly prepared me for such a challenging situation. However, I decided to take this as a learning opportunity because quite honestly there was nothing else I could do. Seriously, nothing.

Now, this list is pretty specific to my experience and teaching inner city schools. I worked in a suburban setting for a year before I landed this gig and, let me tell you, never in my wildest dream did I ever think I could write a list like this -- of 20 things they never taught me in the education program, because how could they? But here ya go.

1. How to break up a fight.

My first month at my school was so brutal there were many times I almost quit like my forefathers of the 2015-2016 school year. The day I came closest to walking out was the day I was kicked square in the shin and my foot was stomped on trying to break up a fight. What was the fight about you ask? One kid said the other kid's name. Yup. Now after a few incidents like this I quickly learned how to pretty much become a human barrier. I also have gotten better at not letting the kids talk out of turn. Seriously. I can't let them speak without permission or fights will start. This is my life now.

2. Dealing with middle school drama that is about nothing and pretending you care.

Teaching middle school is 25 percent teaching and 75 percent dealing with drama. Get used to the, "he said, she said" because it is going to take over your life. I have mastered the "She said what to you?" and the "Don't worry about her! Do you!" spiel. You also have to act like you care because your students are actually upset. You can't reason with them and explain why it's not a big deal. They can't think that way. It's basic psychology. Actually, this is something I learned in school. Psych 101, baby!

3. How to shut down a kid who is trying to argue with you.

Now, this is definitely not best practice, but the dialogue on my end goes something like this: "Nope. No. No. No. You're done. Nope, no. Stop. Nope. No. No. You're done. Nope," while simultaneously using the "stop" hand gesture or the "close your mouth" hand gesture. It's not that I am unfamiliar with best practices or how to use them, but it was the only thing that worked, and it was actually advice from another inner city teacher.

4. You have to sharpen your own pencils. At home.

We had an electric pencil sharpener. Had.

5. How to get your classroom to read. Anything. Anything at all.

Incentives. I put my class into teams. The first team to collectively read a thousand pages was rewarded with an out of uniform day. I also did a competition every week where the best behaved team would be rewarded with brand new books to read of their choosing. Best money I ever spent. I convinced a group of unmotivated readers to be competitive about reading. Winning!

6. If you give into temptation and raise your voice, you will lose your voice. And it will be for more than a week.

Three weeks to be exact.

7. You have to be able to help a child one on one while simultaneously watching the entire class' every. Move.

You have to train yourself to be looking at the class while also working one on one. This is why it is important to memorize what you are teaching. You will thank yourself later.

8. How to spot kids being sneaky.

I had to get to know my students very well in order to be good at this one. Usually if a student is doing something they are not supposed to and they know they are in the wrong, they will look right at you to see if you see them. They literally give themselves away. Amateurs.

9. How to actually deal with bullying.

This many be different depending on where you go to school and who teaches your classes, but I remember all of my professors talking about how bullying is not to be tolerated. What they don't teach you is that for some kids bullying is part of their personality. It's hard to break someone who has grown up this way. It's also hard to come up with ways to convince children to be nice to each other, especially if their parents are teaching them otherwise. We do a lot of peace talks with, "I feel" statements. A lot.

10. How to talk to parents who are, for lack of a better word, whack jobs.

My advice for the parents of your most troublesome students: tell their parents every good thing that kid does. Seriously. I'll text a parent something like "Joe Shmoe finished his entire packet today! So proud of his hard work in math!" I do this constantly. So, when I do have to talk to that parent about an issue, they know that I'm not out to get their kid. Honestly, overdo it with the positive calls. Tell the parent everything they want to hear so that when it comes to the hard stuff, you have already built a positive relationship. Take notes. This is solid advice I'm handing out fo' free!

11. Mastering a "you better not dare attempt whatever it is you are about to attempt" face.

This is absolutely essential. The dean at my school (God bless this woman) told me during my first week that I need to go home, look in the mirror, and practice the look I am going to give whenever a kid does anything, and I mean anything, out of line. I believe her exact words were "look at them like they are out of their damn mind." I'm telling you, this face will save you a lot of trouble. Out of seat? The look. Throwing pencils? The look. Asking if they can leave the room for the umpteenth for some irrelevant reason after the answer was no? The look. It's so versatile!

12. You will have moments where you literally have no idea what you are doing.

There are times when my class is complete chaos. It's not ideal, but it happens. Sometimes when things get out of control it takes me a second to realize that I am the adult in the room. The classes you take in college will give you tools to use in the classroom. The skill they cannot teach you is which tool to pull out of the toolbox at any given.

13. Kids can and will be really mean to you.

I have been called a bitch, I've had kids say "f*ck you" to me, along with other nasty slurs. You just have to remind yourself that they are children and they cannot break you. You need to become an emotionless wall when they come at you. Seriously. Stone cold.

Also for the most part it's a heat of the moment thing and they don't really mean it.

14. Having to buy your own supplies is not an urban legend.

Holla to the dolla store because it was/is my lord and savior. I would buy them clean out of pencils. I'm not joking. I would buy all of them. And then I would go home and sharpen them because, well, you know the drill. One time I also bought all of their colored poster board at once and this kid down the aisle looked at me, looked at her mom, and mumbled, "Ugh. She has the last blue one." You're God damned right I do! I need 34 posters for 31 kids and three extras for the kiddos that always mess up the first time. So, yes, I have the last blue one. Na na boo boo. Stick your head in doo doo.

The dollar store can be real cut throat, sometimes.

15. How to cry at work without messing up your makeup.

First of all, invest in good makeup. Your skin will thank you. Secondly, learn how to cry quickly. The faster you cry the less red you will look. Shoot for a 30-second sob. Also never, ever cry in front of the kids. It means they have won.

16. Expect things to be thrown across the room.

Anything is game. Pens, pencils, chairs, children; you name it. You will look a kid square in the eyes as they throw the pens you bought with your own money and 10/10 times they will deny that they did anything wrong. And then they will get mad that there is a consequence. Isn't teaching fun?

17. How to hold your bladder for an ungodly amount of time.

I drink about three to four water bottles a day. I go to the bathroom maybe once. This is one of, if not most the most important teacher skill of all time.

18. How to make copies, lesson plan, grade papers, eat lunch, and use the bathroom simultaneously.

They say multitasking is impossible. They lie. If you ever want to be caught up with work you will learn to multitask an you will learn how to do it well.

19. How to create a professional but comfortable wardrobe.

I'm not kidding when I tell you I go into the dressing room, try on clothes, and do what I call "the teacher test." I stretch my arms above my head, I bend over, I squat down, and I sit down. I have to make sure that no butt crack, cleavage, midriff, or side-boob is exposed.

20. How to motivate yourself to go to work every day knowing you will be overworked and under appreciated.

This may be the most important and difficult one of them all. Find something, anything to look forward to every day. Remember the compliments students give you, especially if they tend to have mean streaks. Don't think about how underpaid you are and focus on why you are putting in the extra hours. Invest in your kids. Learn to love each one for their unique personalities and quirks, and most importantly remember that self-care is just as important as educating our nation's youth.

And of course, by self-care I mean copious amounts of wine.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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