Attending a university with such a large LGBT community has really opened my eyes to the horrible things that people say to members of the community on a daily basis. In a world where more and more individuals are accepting of people of all different sexualities and genders, I am appalled to have heard these in passing, at parties and in everyday life. Here are 20 things lesbians are tired of hearing as told by "The L Word." If you don't know what "The L Word" is, it's just about the worst, and best lesbian series ever. Twelve Seasons, endless drama, and duh, lesbians.
1. Wait, you’re gay? You don’t look gay.
Just so everyone understands, gay, lesbian, pansexual, bisexual or anywhere on the spectrum does not have a designated look. Do not judge an individual by their clothes or fashion.
2. So, how does lesbian sex work?
Sex is something that is subjective. It means different things to different people. Stop asking your lesbian friends this and google it if you’re that curious. The fact that you are asking about someone's sex life is a bit personal, don’t you think?
3. You know, my boyfriend and I are looking for a third.
Not every lesbian wants to be your token threesome. Stop asking, and stop only seeing lesbians in a sexual light.
4. Have you ever had sex with a guy?
Would you ask your straight friends this? Why is this so fundamental to being a lesbian? Having sex with a man does not define you or make you a woman.
5. Do you have daddy problems?
Not every lesbian has daddy problems. This insinuates that lesbians only are gay because of a lack of male presence growing up. This is offensive, and really distasteful. Lesbians are people who come from all walks of life, with all different family structures, kind of like straight people.
6. I bet I can change you.
I bet you can’t. And if you try, I carry pepper spray in my bag and am a black belt.
7. Lesbian sex isn’t real sex.
Again, sex is subjective. You can take that personal opinion of yours to the grave. Here's an idea, if you don’t think lesbian sex is valid, or real, then don’t have any.
8. My cousin’s a lesbian, maybe you know her.
Probably not. Thanks for being small minded and believing that lesbians have a secret channel that connects them all.
9. Wow, what man broke your heart?
Being gay is something you are born with and is not something that stems from a bad relationship. Don’t insinuate that someone's feelings, or identity strives from this. It’s rude.
10. But do your parents know?
Asking this question of lesbians, or anyone on the spectrum, actually can be really painful. You never know the state of someone being out or not. Don’t ask this, if it’s none of your business. You don’t know what kind of a family life someone may have.
11. Oh my god, you can be my gay best friend.
Word on the street is, lesbians don’t like to be token lesbians buddies like in the movies. If someone you know identifies as anywhere on the spectrum, let them be your friends, not your token shopping buddies.
12. Maybe you haven’t found the right man.
Maybe you’re small minded. Just my opinion, though.
13. Do you play softball?
Not all lesbians play softball.
14. No? Rugby?
OK, all lesbians play rugby—you're right on this one—you got us. OK, no. Do you know how many kick ass strong straight women play rugby? Do you know how many strong kick ass anywhere on the spectrum people play rugby? Stop associating it with being gay.
15. So, would you have sex with me?
If you are my friend who is a girl that's asking this, please just stop. Stop sexualizing lesbians.
16. Why don’t you dress like a boy?
Lesbians come in all shapes, sizes, colors, fashion tastes and identities. Don’t box them into one category. Open your mind to different individuals, not just the ones you see in horrible movies.
17. What made you gay?
If you ask someone this, you might get an eye roll. I’m here to answer it for you. They probably went into some sort of high fever at the age of 13, and finally blacked out for a second and woke up gay. (Sarcasm people, it's only sarcasm)
18. So you never want to have kids?
Being a lesbian does not deter you from having kids. Sure, you may not have a child the biological “normal” way. That does not make you less of a parent to any child you have through any way.
19. Which one of you is the boy?
The whole point of being a lesbian is to not have a boy involved. The whole point is to not have gender structures. For once, let's let go of the idea that a relationship is solely between a man and a woman.
20. So, can I watch?
If you ask this, I will smack you. Lesbians are not entertainment! Stop being disgusting!
What you should be understanding out of these questions is that lesbians, or anyone in the LGBTQA+ community, does not want to be boxed into your conventional views just because it’s easier for you. Please respect them. If you wouldn’t ask any of these questions to your straight, heterosexual friends, then don’t ask a member of the community. Check your privilege, and stop sexualizing lesbians. The fact that lesbians are asked more about their sex lives than anything else is wrong. They get it enough from the mainstream media.
