My anxiety is a major force in my life. While it doesn't have complete control over my life, it does have a significant impact and causes me to do things that people who don't struggle with anxiety may not necessarily understand. I can't speak on behalf of everyone — anxiety is very specific to each individual.
That being said, here are 20 things that my anxiety makes me do.
1. When I'm in public, I go to the bathroom to escape anxiety inducing situations
Sometimes, I find it to be too much or almost impossible to be in certain situations. If I am unable to leave where I am but need to get out of a situation, I will hide in the bathroom.
2. I dwell on small awkward moments for much longer than necessary
My mind always finds a way to convince me that whatever it was is my fault and that I looked stupid/awkward/like a idiot/etc. I will cringe at myself for days and weeks, sometimes even months and years.
3. I go to social events alone
Sometimes being with someone makes me feel too anxious, so when I am able to go to something alone, I often choose to.
4. I go to social events with a person that makes me feel comfortable and follow said person too much
I know this contradicts my last point, but both are true. Sometimes, anticipating the event will create so much anxiety that I find it impossible to go without someone. When someone comes with me to something, I often cling to them more than I probably should because the thought of being myself creates too much anxiety.
5. Sometimes I don't say a word during the entire time I am sitting with a group of people
I have a lot of anxiety in social situations, so my silence around people can stem from a few different things,
Often, I get so anxious that I feel like I can't think of anything meaningful to say or feel like people don't really want to hear what I have to say.
6. I become hyper-aware of all of my actions
My anxiety makes me feel like everyone is always watching my every move and constantly judging me, so I try to draw the least amount of attention to myself as possible, which requires being super aware of everything that I do.
7. I play with my hands
It's a physical release. Sometimes I don't even realize that I am doing it.
8. I start things very early
I become afraid that I won't get things done if I don't do them extremely early.
9. I procrastinate
Another thing that is somewhat contradictory, but like before I experience both.
If I have anxiety about a certain thing I need to do, I put it off as long as I possibly can (or as long as my anxiety about getting things done lets me) to avoid feeling/doing whatever I am anxious about.
10. I say, "I can't do that," even if it is not exactly what I mean
Here is what it might actually mean:
I am too stressed out to do that.
I cannot face the humiliation of attempting do that.
Physically, my body will not let me do that.
I am on the verge of an anxiety or panic attack.
11. I stay awake late into the night
Sometimes anxiety prevents my mind from shutting off because it keeps focusing on the "what ifs and will keep me awake until four in the morning.
12. I don't eat enough
When I'm particularly anxious about something, I don't eat as much because even the slightest bit of food will upset my stomach.
13. I experience sensory overload
Sounds become too loud. Smells and tastes are too strong. My skin becomes super sensitive to touch. My eyes become super sensitive to light.
14. I cry
My anxiety makes me so sensitive and an easy crier.
15. I constantly apologize for things that aren't my fault or don't need an apology
My anxiety convinces me that everything is my fault, even if it is so clear that someone gets in my way and doesn't move. I will still apologize.
16. I play with my hair and ears
These are more physical tics. These change over time for me. My acting professor just recently pointed out that I've been rubbing my thighs when I get anxious in class.
17. When I am in control of it, I get to places so much earlier than I need to be
I am extremely terrified of being late or getting to places close to on time.
I get to my 8 a.m. class this semester at 7:35 a.m., when I can get from my dorm room to the classroom in approximately seven minutes.
18. I pick at my nails, cuticles, and skin on my finger tips
More physical tics. I am often very unaware that I am doing this until my fingers are bleeding.
19. I ask a lot of seemingly unnecessary questions
My anxiety is triggered by the unknown, so asking questions helps to eliminate a little bit of that worry.
20. I pretend like everything's okay, even when I know it's not
Even though I often speak out against mental health stigma, I still carry around a lot of internalized stigma for various reasons. I often fear talking about what's going on with me and how I am feeling. My anxiety tells me that it is better to just pretend that it is okay.
