The 20-Something Girl And Her 30-Something Guy

The 20-Something Girl And Her 30-Something Guy

Older isn't always better
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If you’ve found yourself looking for “The One”, you’re fucked.

If you’ve found yourself looking at all, you’re probably also fucked. My mom always said that love will catch you by surprise. If this is true, why aren't I madly in love yet? After almost 21 years of being single, trust me when I say I’d be surprised.

As I sit here, watching a young eclectic couple share a single six-count tray of sushi (first of all, who does this?), I wonder what they're talking about. I wonder who said those three magic words first, or if they even have, and if their relationship will last past the new year.

I wonder how they met and if it was brought by fate or free will. Were they part of some secret singles club I didn't get an invite to? Maybe it's just not my time or maybe I've been looking in all the wrong places.

Am I geographically challenged? Maybe it's my fear of rejection? Are the social boundaries of my own age bracket crippling? If age is the issue, hell, wait here while I change the age range in my Bumble settings.

If you're a 20-something, confident, adventure seeking women, you too have probably taken a lap in the 30-something pool once or twice. After all, they are the 3.0 version of a man.

There's something about a man with a stable career, a man who's financially independent, and even a man with a sticky past that is totally alluring until the third or fourth encounter when you realize he really is 'too good to be true'.

The 30-something racetrack is intriguing to us, mostly because we want something sophisticated yet slightly dangerous. They are seemingly more appealing solely for the fact that they actually read books (and like it?).


They’ve been around the block, have well-established self-confidence, and for that reason we trust them, which makes it harder for them to fuck up and even harder for us to notice when they actually do fuck up.


If your 30-something was anything like mine, you likely aren't the first 20-something-year-old women he has fooled.

The relationship didn't take long to completely blow up in your face. The moment you realized there was potential for a future with this guy, was the same moment he dead bolted his heart shut and threw away the key.

To him, monogamy is the root of all evil. This is because his parents’ consistent flow of cash to his bank account has allowed him a comfortable lifestyle. Money has never been a problem.


He blames his blatant issue with commitment to being an "independent". They do until they don't. It would be ridiculous to assume he’d actually ask you out during reasonable hours of the day. Consistently apologizing for being “unavailable", but wait, he wants to be friends. An extremist by nature.

He has some art in his apartment.

You've asked him to meet your friends a hundred times but he's always too busy or "has a work thing". He orders a single malt scotch whiskey at bars and gets you a vodka soda. Don't be fooled by his ‘cool boy’ façade, he wet the bed until he was 13 years-old.

If he's a borderline 30-something, he probably lied and told you he was 29. You'd later find his Bumble which plainly reads, "Jake, 30, 6'5" without heels". Okay Jake, okay.

The majority of his opinions are unpopular. The 30-something expects you to drop everything and go over at 1 a.m. His life is a mystery to you because he dodges all your attempts at actually trying to have a relationship (If you're smart you won't even utter the "R" word).

He says things like, “as a matter of fact” and “logistically speaking”. The 30-something's favorite movie is The Social Network, which he has pre-downloaded on his iPad.

Their allusion of having it all together is just that: an allusion. What isn't an illusion? Their face. It's probably painstakingly beautiful. Their obvious sexiness brings up a carousel of feelings that trump any attempt at normalcy.

He calls you kid.

He texts you or doesn't. When he does, he makes you feel in control, but don't be fooled because he has you right where he wants you. Ironically, your vulnerability challenges him and his confidence encourages you.

The last text he sent you was a GIF and he "loved" your last message. He only briefly talked about his ex-girlfriend. The 30-something would say, "Oh, it's in the past."

He knows what he's doing is bad but he still does it a lot.

To you, the 30-something is a little off, but regardless of this fact, he's the most exciting thing to come into your life, which makes him automatically more fascinating.

The world around him is aware of his douchebag exterior but us younger girls are wildly attracted to this overt self-assurance.

He makes fun of you when you call a margarita a "marg", but his brazen lack of respect for the waitress goes unnoticed. In fact, he'll probably find an excuse to not leave a tip.

Ladies, enough is enough. We have suspended our standards for far too long. It's time we take a stand against these 30-something losers and find solace in this season of singleness. We have to remind ourselves that these 30-something men have remained single for a reason. All good things must come to an end.

Your 30-something-year-old man wasn't "The One", or even "The One For Now", but that doesn't mean he doesn't exist. Try a different approach, preferably one with less hair gel next time.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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Stop Making Instagram Your Only Outlet For Social Activism

Instagram is a great place to spread awareness, but stop confusing your desire for clout with your desire to save the world.

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Instagram is, without a doubt, one of my guiltiest pleasures. I often find myself spending way too much time on social media, caught up in the world of likes, filters, and hashtags. On the daily, I scroll through hundreds of selfies, beach pictures, happy birthday posts, and the occasional dog pictures. I am all for posting whatever you want on your Instagram account and personally hate the so-called "rules" that govern how we use social media.

Just as the use of Instagram and other forms of social media keeps growing, so has our generation's awareness of social issues. Everywhere I go, I get reminded of the issues our world is facing. Whether it be plastic, global warming, poverty, animal rights, etc., it is clear that our generation wants to see a change. Even though this is amazing, recently I've noticed that so many people my age are confusing the true desire to spread social awareness with the desire to make their Instagram account look better.

A few months ago on Earth Day, my Instagram feed was flooded with pictures of nature. Almost all of these pictures were of girls at the beach, or hiking with their friends, or even taken from the window of an airplane. While the idea of posting about how much you love the Earth and want to save it is a harmless idea, it does nothing to actually save the planet.

I fully support posting a picture of yourself at the beach, and showing off your confidence, but don't post it on Earth Day, pretending it's the ocean behind you that you care about. If you really want to save the Earth and make a difference, posting a yearly Earth Day picture of yourself is not the way to do it. Wanting likes and clout on social media is a part of how today's generation values themselves and each other, but thinking that this is actually promoting any form of social justice is plain wrong.

More recently, videos of baby calves being taken away from their mothers (highlighting the truth behind the dairy industry) have been flooding my social media feed. These videos are heartbreaking, and I am sure that the people posting them truly think they are horrific as well. Posting this type of content is a great way to spread initial awareness, but don't let it be your only outlet for promoting justice for the things you care about.

Social media keeps our world extremely interconnected, and without it, awareness of many of the problems our world is facing wouldn't reach nearly as far as it does. I'm not saying that using Instagram to spread awareness is a bad idea, I'm just saying that it shouldn't be your only outlet for doing so.

If you hate how much plastic our world consumes, go around to local stores and restaurants and ask them to cut their use of plastic. If you hate how the dairy industry treats cows, become a vegan. Promoting awareness while not actually doing anything to change the issues at hand is useless. Our generation is so strong and powerful, and we all need to stop hiding behind our desire for Instagram likes and start actually changing the things we care about.

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