Although my parents didn't actually immigrate for Poland, my mother is 100 percent Polish. Growing up, no matter how hard I may have tried to escape it, the Polish culture was all around me. Most of the time, it wasn't too bad. I got free pierogies at the drop of a hat, I had a horde of cousins to play with so I was never lonely. Despite all that, there were definitely some crazy parts too.
Here are 20 signs I'm sure everyone who grew up in a Polish household can relate to:
1. Vodka. Vodka all of the time.
Most people assume this is only a Russian thing; it's not. Polish people invented vodka and we make sure to remind ourselves of that at every occasion.
2. It's completely impossible to have a quiet family get together.
To be fair, I'm not even entirely sure my family has ever heard the word "quiet."
3. "We only have about 10 people at our house for Christmas."
That sounds fake but we all know we're going to hit about 25 people attending. It's fine.
4. You know there is no greater bond than the bond you share with your cousins.
There are at least eight of you who are around the same age, and you all have a group chat where you send stupid memes to each other to make it through Christmas Eve mass.
5. You spoke both English and Polish growing up.
You also learned to speak each of them as loudly as possible, because you weren't getting heard otherwise.
6. This inevitably leads to someone demanding: "Say something in Polish."
I'd really rather not.
7. If you are not wearing slippers/socks in the house, you will catch a cold and also your death.
Regardless of the season or the temperature, this will happen. Sometimes I think I'm always cold because I've been conditioned to believe it.
8. The amount of pierogies you've eaten is actually horrifying.
You can't be blamed though. They're delicious.
9. It is a requirement that you are bitter about WWII.
You didn't fight in WWII. Half of your family didn't even fight in WWII. Everyone is still bitter.
10. Somehow, there's always extra food.
You've made enough to feed a small army, and by small army, I mean your family. They've managed to eat everything, yet, by some odd miracle, everyone ends up taking a bowl of SOMETHING home.
11. Polish food generally disgusts people who are not Polish.
It looks weird. It often smells weird. I've been told it often tastes weird. I can't blame people.
12. Butter is put on everything, no exceptions.
From noodles to sandwiches. Turns out, you weren't aware butter wasn't supposed to be put on certain foods for YEARS.
13. Cabbage.
Another staple of Polish food. Everything has cabbage. It's either covered in cabbage or there are bits of chopped up cabbage in there.
14. You don't want to go to Church on Sunday?
Good luck with that.
15. Polish Catholic Masses.
The reason for your excellent patience and calm personality is because you've sat through so many of these.
16. Christmas Eve was almost always a bigger affair than Christmas Day.
Fish dishes, generally seven had to be served and eaten, the opłatek had to be broken, and several presents each had to be opened. It was all exhausting.
17. Christmas Day was a pretty big affair too though.
The amount of physical willpower you need to make it through a Polish Christmas Day is honestly a reason you should be canonized a saint right now.
18. Trying to spell out your mother's maiden name over the phone requires actual divine intervention.
I get it. It's difficult. Yet, I've been saying the same letters for the last 20 minutes.
19. Saturday's were generally spent making the house look as unlived in as possible.
Why? You have no idea. You've learned to make the most of it though.
20. There is a good chance you were named after a saint.
There is a good chance you thought this was normal until you met people who were not named after saints.
