You've probably heard of Yellowstone National Park at some point in your life, and you probably know it as "that place with Old Faithful and/or all of the buffalo."
You've probably also been told that Yellowstone is a great place to visit and definitely worth the trip to go there.
So, if you’re planning a trip to Yellowstone, you’ve come to the right place: I’m here to warn you of some of the things that you will likely encounter while in the park.
I've lived and worked here, and I can honestly tell you there's a lot to take it. It' a bit overwhelming, really. This list could go on and on forever, and I don’t have that much time (and neither do you), so let me give you the top 20 reasons, in full disclosure, of why you should absolutely never go to Yellowstone National Park.
1. The park is absolutely massive; there’s no way you can see it all.
Map/Photo created by the National Park Service
Seriously, this place comprises 2.2 million acres of land. It literally stretches out over three states: Wyoming (96%), Montana (3%) and Idaho (1%). That's way too much, there's no way you can see it all in just one day! You'd be here forever trying to explore all of what Yellowstone has to offer.
2.There are far too many options for hiking opportunities.
Hiking on top of Avalanche Peak, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
What do you mean there are over 900 miles of hiking trails here? How am I supposed to pick which ones to do? And there are trails for any person at level of skill? This is too much!
3.The Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone?
Lower Falls in the Grand Canyon of the YellowstonePhoto by Karley Nugent
Um, excuse me? They clearly stole that from the Grand Canyon in Arizona. Lame. And the walls of the canyon are yellow and multicolored? No big deal.
4. Upper and Lower Falls
Upper (left) and Lower (right) Falls, Yellowstone National Park
Photos by Karley Nugent
So to jazz up they're obviously ripped off version of the Grand Canyon even more, there's these two massive waterfalls. At peak season, Upper Falls gushes about 67,000 gallons of water per second. And Lower Falls stands at 308 feet, which is more than twice the height of Niagara falls. They're just trying to top everyone, aren't they?
5.You can't go swimming in the thermal pools.
Morning Glory Pool, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
Warning: may cause severe burns and even death. Why even show these things off if I can't go in there?!
6.The park sits atop one of the world's largest super volcanos.
Outline of the Yellowstone Caldera
Photo by FourWinds10.net
Oh, okay; so you won't let me go swimming in the Grand Prismatic, but you'll let me walk all over this massive lava pit? That's fair...
7. Yellowstone Lake
Yellowstone Lake, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
Being the largest freshwater lake above 7,000 ft. in elevation, filled with canyons and geysers and unexplored things with a depth of 390 ft.? Yeah, that's probably really uninteresting.
8.The park isn't near any other beautiful places.
Grand Teton National Park, Wyoming
Photo by Karley Nugent
The Grand Tetons...just another mountain range, right? ...Right?
9.Speaking of other places, the gateway towns to Yellowstone probably don't have much to offer.
Beartooth Highway, Montana
Photo by Karley Nugent
Shopping and skiing in Jackson Hole? Nah. Watching a world-famous rodeo or visiting the Buffalo Bill Museum in Cody? Pass. Experience some old west fun in West Yellowstone? No thanks. White water rafting in Gardiner? Not about that. Driving the Beartooth Highway just past Silver Gate and Cooke City? What's so special about that?
10.There's too much wildlife that you can't take selfies with.
The American Bison, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
The park service asks that you stay 25 yards away from bison and elk, and 75 yards away from wolves and bears. How are we supposed to take that perfect Instagram selfie with these kinds of rules?! I had to take that picture above with a 300 zoom lens! Safety is ridiculous.
11.Speaking of the bears in the park...
Pale Face and Razzberry, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
Did you know the rangers don't actually train the bears in the park? I'm serious, they don't. Click here for proof. Completely absurd, I know.
12.You can't see the Grand Prismatic very well from the ground.
The Grand Prismatic Spring, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
You have to actually exert a little bit of effort to get the best views of the world's third largest hot spring. Unbelievable, even though it's totally worth it.
13. So. Many. Waterfalls.
Mystic Falls, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
And by "so many," I meant too many! There are over 45 named waterfalls in the park, and hundreds of other unnamed ones! Some of them require hiking, others you can just pull right up to in your car and view from a viewing platform. What is it with this park and thinking, "the more, the better?!" Seems a little excessive to me.
14. Photography opportunities? Try again.
The Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
Aside from the mountains and the wildflowers and the canyons and the valleys and the lakes and the wildlife and the thermal features and the rivers and everything in between...there's not much to photograph here.
15. The night sky views here are nothing to brag about.
Friends and the Milky Way Galaxy over Yellowstone Lake, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
If you're a stickler for having to photoshop the Milky Way Galaxy and other stars into your night sky portraits, this is not the place for you, because you can actually photograph it here, like I did. (This picture is not photoshopped AT ALL! Crazy, right?)
16. There's a bunch of historic buildings here, some from the 1800's.
The Old Faithful Inn, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
Old Faithful Inn, the Lake Hotel, Mammoth Hot Springs Hotel...so much history crammed into these places and more. I'm still trying to pick what sights to see and now I have incredible old buildings to tour, too? It never ends...
17. The sunsets here are OK at best...
A Yellowstone Sunset, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
I mean really, there's no "best spot in the park" to catch one of these babies. You literally can't go wrong, and that's a lot of pressure.
18. The Geyser Basins are too spectacular.
Crackling Lake, Norris Geyser Basin, Yellowstone National ParkPhoto by Karley Nugent
Who would even want to watch the ground explode into a variety of colors thanks to the super volcano? I'm sure you can see that anywhere else, right?
19. Camping and backpacking are basically a must-do here.
Coffee in the Backcountry, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
I went into this park thinking, "I'll never enjoy sleeping in a tent." After months of endless night sky views, campfire dinners and ambient nature soundtracks, I guess learning how to enjoy nature was just beaten into me. And there's no bad campsite in Yellowstone, which makes it hard to pick where you want to stay. This park is a never ending list of tough choices to make.
20. And finally, Old Faithful.
Old Faithful Geyser, Yellowstone National Park
Photo by Karley Nugent
Seriously, it's just a worldwide known national landmark that harnesses the power of a massive volcano to shoot water over 180 ft. in the air every 60 - 110 minutes that people travel from all over the world to see. Really, it can't be all that special.
Here's the bottom line: Yellowstone is too great. That's why you shouldn't ever go there; there are too many amazing and incredible things for one person to do and see. It's completely overwhelming.
The mighty beauty of it all completely changed my life, and to this day, I'm still trying to recover from an addiction to this place. I doubt I'll ever get over it, because now that I've gone, I'm hooked, and all the time, I want to go back.
Don't let that happen to you.
But I'm not delusional, and I know there are some of you who have read this and are now foolish enough to want to go to Yellowstone even more.
For those who are brave enough to try, I salute you. And I warn you: this place will absolutely change your life.
All I can bid you is one thing...
Happy exploring.
