Sometimes, life can become incredibly hard, pulling at the strings of your mind, attempting to unwind and knot them up. Sometimes, you look in the mirror for days, weeks, months on end, and every time you do, you picture yourself dead rather than alive. The tug at the back of your head telling you you are worthless, you are not important, you have nothing to live for, you have no reason to be alive...that voice speaks to you every day; sometimes it shouts, sometimes it whispers, but it is always there.
When the times get harder, when the voice comes back, when you're sobbing to yourself in late hours of the night, contemplating if you have the courage to end it all, keep in mind what is positive in your life and what is positive about you. After two suicides attempts myself, I have found the things I can hold onto when times become unbearable again, and I have found the things to pull me out of the toxic state of mind I drown myself in in those moments. Below, are twenty things, among hundreds, that are some reasons to keep living, even when the moment consumes you and all you'd rather do is die.
1. The calming scent after a storm, rolling down the windows in your car to breathe it in and let the crisp air cool you, or opening the windows in your home and letting it fill the space.
2. Taking a bite of an amazing meal, savoring the taste in your mouth, catching yourself smiling or closing your eyes as you take in all the flavors.
3. Seeing someone for the first time in a long time, and seeing the huge smile on their face as you each lock eyes, and the flush of warmth you feel when you realize how much you've missed them.
4. Waking up in the morning without an alarm, stretching out your muscles in bed, and realizing that you feel incredibly refreshed.
5. Cruising fast down backroads late at night, music blasting, all of your cares gone besides the thrill of the speed and bumps and still making sure you're careful enough to stay alive.
6. Being kissed or taken into a hug out of nowhere, your hair being brushed back, looking into someone else's eyes, feeling cared for and comforted and not wanting to let go of their body.
7. Hearing a new song that you immediately love so you turn it up full volume, and let the music flow in and out of you, changing you for a fleeting moment as the song plays.
8.Traveling to a new place that utterly mesmerizes you with its beauty and splendor, attempting to get lost in the place, trying to experience as much of it as you can.
9. Hearing kind words about you from strangers or people you know or care about, especially when it's out of the blue, particularly when it isn't about something physical: "You're so strong and inspirational," "You have the most entertaining and remarkable mind," "You motivate me to become better and do more with my life"
10. Stepping into a hot shower or bath or jacuzzi, feeling yourself melt with the water then feeling your body release itself to the heat, and how refreshing that moment feels.
11. Finishing an incredibly difficult task that you didn't think you'd be able to overcome or even begin, yet you've now accomplished it, and perhaps now you deserved a much-needed drink or personal reward, and that reward in itself feels great.
12. Having someone give you a massage, working through all your muscles, letting yourself release the strain and tension, and the immediate gasp you let out because it feels so good.
13. Walking past a row of candles or fragrances, etc. and feeling like a child because you have to smell all of the scents, so you stop what you're doing a do just that, feeling carefree and delighted.
14. Being surrounded by friends and/or family and suddenly everyone, including yourself, bursts out with laughter, and the only thing on everyone's mind is happiness, joy, and love.
15. Buying yourself something you've wanted for a long time, and feeling proud of yourself for waiting and saving for it because you realize it'll make you enjoy it even more and longer.
16. Being greeted by your pet(s), especially when you've been gone for a long time, and the only thing on their mind(s) is loving you and wanting to touch you, so you take a few moments to snuggle them because you realize just how much you've missed them too.
17. Being recognized for your hard work, whether it's by family or friends or coworkers or strangers, and being told so in front of others and is met with so much positivity that you begin to feel yourself blush because you're so happy.
18. Watching a sunrise, sunset, storm, etc. from a beautiful area of nature, taking in the entire moment, letting the grandness of nature take over your mind, and escaping into the wonder that is the world.
19. Putting on the perfect outfit, looking in the mirror, and feeling like a fine slice of cake, feeling confident enough to tackle the day, and maybe steal some hearts while you're at it.
20. Seeing the emotion on someone's face and/or body, when you make them happy, make them grateful, make them ecstatic, joyful, excited, surprised (in a good way), comforted, etc. because of something you did for them (so it makes you feel good inside too).