I love my grandma and I want the whole goddamn world to know. Whenever I’m down, a call from her can just brighten up my day and restore my faith in humanity. Here are more things I love about my grandma.

1. She bakes one hell of a chocolate chip cookie. It’s enough to put the previous titleholder, Albertsons, to shame.

2. She gave birth to my parents. My parents are not related, but I don’t want this article to encompass just one grandma because they are both rock stars.

3. She’s slightly racist, but in a cute way. Like what she says only sets America back 20 years, instead of 50.

4. Her tater tot casserole is the stuff of legends. I asked her for her recipe once and she it isn’t written down and the secret dies with her.

5. She beat me once at Wii bowling even though she was using a Gamecube controller.

6. She got me addicted to the sweet, sweet melodies of Bobby Vee’s Rubber Ball.

7. She once gave Brian, Carl, and Dennis Wilson a three-way handjob. Mike Love jacked off in the corner.

8. My grandma once saw the ocean and called it “That place in Finding Nemo.”

9. Her favorite song released after 2000 is "Pork and Beans" by Weezer.

10. She used to pick me up from school and buy me 10 piece Chicken McNuggets for lunch.

11. I have most, if not all, of my Tupperware because it wasn’t good enough for her.

12. Her rap alter ego, “Gramma G” had a brief creative hiatus because of dual carpal tunnel surgery.

13. She’s the only person I know who actually remembers the 60’s.

14. She asked if Chance the Rapper’s last name is “The Rapper.”

15. To her, China is just a word on a t-shirt tag.

16. She likes to say I’m her favorite grandchild before I remind her that I have a sister. Then she attempts to cover her tracks: “Uh… grandson is what I meant. Favorite grandson.”

17. During the ebola scare, she invested in a hazmat suit and insisted on not wearing clothes underneath it.

18. She nods off and when I accuse her of sleeping, she says, “I was just resting my eyes!” Yeah right, grandma.

19. When she farts, she hilariously blames it on grandpa. Then, as if on cue, they both fart in harmony.

20. She played a big role in the man I am today. And for that, I’m not sure whether to be angry or thankful.