Taking Notes Is Out, People Watching Is In
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Taking Notes Is Out, People Watching Is In

If you're too bored to study the powerpoint slides, study your classmates.

Taking Notes Is Out, People Watching Is In

Have you ever looked around in your lecture class and thought to yourself, “What the hell was she thinking when she left for class wearing that?” or “Does this dude know he’s wearing one Sperry and one Nike?" Well, if you’re anything like me, these thoughts cross your mind every time you step foot into your 250 student lecture class. The same lecture that you only took because it was required or because your advisor promised it would be an exciting and easy 'A.' She definitely lied. It’s neither exciting, nor is it an easy 'A.' But on the other hand, fun can still be had by just sitting back, but not so far back that you touch the kid behind you and have to awkwardly apologize, because that's always super weird.

Okay, so you just told yourself after waking up hung over on Sunday that this is your week. This is the week you turn your life around and you start making better life choices; like, your diet starts Monday... every Monday. Your Tuesday goal is getting to class early, however, the diet failed shortly after it started because seeing the “two for one Reese's” sale at Circle K overpowered your self-control. Now you absolutely have to get to class early. You arrive to class proudly sporting your two Reese's and you see the 20 people that every lecture hall is bound to have:

1. The Fashionably Early

2. The Always Late

3. The Bum

4. The Fashionista

5. The Online Shopper

6. The Gym Bro

7. The Athlete

8. The Frat Star

9. The Alcoholic

10. The Know-It-All

11. The Sleeper

12. The Impulsive Texter

13. The Person Who Only Comes for Exams

14. The Class Clown

15. The Crop Duster

16. The Social Media Junkie

17. The Nose Picker

18. The Eater

19. The Awkward Stare Girl

20. The Early Packer

You have the fashionably early, who shows up before the professor. That, or he just slept in the classroom over night, because he is also the sleeper which, now that you think about it, makes a lot of sense. The sleeper sits next to the kid who only shows up for exams for the sole purpose of using two chairs for the lengthy, three credit hour nap he apparently signed up for. The kid who only shows up to exams is currently standing in line at Chipotle, which you found out by reading his last tweet on the social media junkie’s laptop in front of you. Social media junkie just posted a picture of the Kate Spade purse she just got for Valentine’s Day, which instantly triggered the online shopper to get into her natural swing of things on Amazon. The online shopper just so happens to sit on the outside of the row, where the crop duster had just walked past and left his mark. The crop duster then gets called out by the class clown, who finds it funny to poke fun at him and the nose picker, although I’d probably make fun of the nose picker too if I had known that he was also the eater (we aren’t talking about food here.)

It’s a whole 15 minutes into lecture now, the kid who's always late trots in, and you already have caught yourself dozing off or checking your timelines to make sure you didn’t miss anything since the last time you checked (two minutes ago.) You start looking around the room to see if there is anyone that might be able to amuse you for the remaining 45 minutes, and notice the girl wearing her high school soccer warm-up is staring at you as if you were the lady who yelled bingo when she was one spot away on three different cards. You then turn to see if maybe she’s just looking at someone behind you. Yup, that’s it, the bum behind you is wearing the same outfit he wears every week, as if the class uniform is a chili-stained Cleveland Browns hoodie with chewed-up strings, the pocket stitching falling off, and high-water, grass-stained blue jeans showing off his Nike Shox from Junior High School.

Now you’re about halfway through class, and the athlete finally walks in. You know this because every article of clothing he has on is labeled with the sport he plays, as if it’s a subtle reminder that he plays a sport. He then sits down next to the gym bro. You know he's the gym bro because his muscles are ripping through his Nike pro shirt. The athlete and the gym bro have a conversation about protein and Hurley tank tops. Cool, Bruh. Your attention is then drawn to the impulsive texter two rows down, with his phone so close to his face that he can actually smell the poop emoji. The professor then asks a question about college hobbies, and before the know-it-all is able to respond with some stupid answer that sounds like it was Googled, the alcoholic chimes in with a loud burp and screams “Shotgunning Natty,” which is followed by one guy in the back chuckling in his Vineyard Vines frocket tee shirt, Ray Bans, and dip-spit stained Sperry’s; the frat star.

Finally, there are 10 minutes left in class, and you notice the fashionista checking her makeup, to ensure it's up to par for her next class with the grad student teacher who looks like a Burberry catalog model. Before you can take a moment to realize that her eyeliner looks like a poorly drawn Halloween mask, the early packer starts shuffling papers into his backpack, which creates a domino effect of the entire class packing up, only to hear the professor yell “I STILL HAVE TWO MINUTES." Okay, she has a point, but who cares? Your online Chipotle order was ready 10 minutes ago and you’re already halfway out the door when she yells.

Screw it, it's time to pregame.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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