If you're not a fan of "The Office," this article will make no sense to you. However, for all your hardcore Dwight Schrute fans like I am, I hope this makes you giggle. Fans of The Office are some of the best and most relate-able people out there, I mean who else has stupid and dry humor like we do?I
I compiled some of my favorite moments and formed what I like to call, "Life according to Dwight" here's a list of a few lessons he taught us:
1. He taught you that speed is not just a number
"I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose... And a panther." Let's face it, it's one of the best quotes of the whole show (so great that it's even in my Twitter bio).
2. He knows what a real hero is
“No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.”
3. He taught you how to dress in casual situations
4. Don't ever think about arguing the Triceratops is a cool dinosaur. Don't.
5. Just because you're a salesman, doesn't mean you should take your job lightly
Sales is a battle, friends.
6. An apple a day doesn't keep the doctor away
7. Blinking is a great way of communication
8. Don't be an idiot
9. There's way too many people on this Earth
I guess I never thought about it this way... Thanks, Dwight.
10. Loyalty to your boss goes beyond the workplace.
He's going wherever you value loyalty the most.
11. Always have a wig for everyone in the office. You know, just in case.
12. Always be one step ahead, especially in regards to the perfect crime.
"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop its her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, cops come. I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. 30 years later I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."
13. Ryan started the fire.
14. Smiling is a form of weakness in Dwight's eyes.
15. Do not underestimate the power of the consonant, "R"
16. He really is one step ahead:
"If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."
17. In an ideal world...
18. How to give birth to a watermelon.
Need I say more?
