1. Whenever you talk about one of your friends who happen to be the same gender as me, my heart dies.
2. Why can't you notice me ignoring you?
3. If you accidentally brush your hand against mine, that's basically second base.
4. If you say hi to me and smile, that means we're married.
5. We're alone. Why not take this rare opportunity to make out?
6. If you tell me about the girls/guys who treat you badly, I'm going to a) get mad that you're not dating me instead and b) kick their asses.
7. If I ask you to study with me, that means let me invite you to a quiet, intimate space where I can fantasize about kissing you.
8. I dreamt about you last night and I can't stop thinking about it. And the night before that. And the night before that. I think I dreamt about you all last week too!
9. I only self-deprecate in front of you so you can tell me that I'm the opposite of what I'm saying.
10. I know you're out of my league but I think you're the type who dates people less attractive than you.
11. We should go get coffee some time! And we should head to my place afterward. Just to give you a tour of where I live. Also, do you wanna see my room? It has the best view of...well, brick walls but they're pretty new. Do you wanna lay on my bed? It's super comfortable and bouncy. Do I mind if I lay with you? Of course you don't, it's MY bed.
12. So I saw on Instagram that you have your arm around this girl and I was, "Well she doesn't share the same last name as you and she looks like a different ethnicity from you as well." So I was just wondering why must you hurt me like this?
13. You're asking me how I'm doing? Well, I'm decent. Life would be better if you explicitly flirted with me and pressed your lips against mine but no big deal
14. I wonder how you would feel if I sat on your lap. Would I crush you? Good. So then you can't escape from me.
15. The sole purpose of me saying, "No one can ever lift me!" is so you can try yourself. Preferably bridal style for at least twenty minutes.
16. These "hickeys" on my neck are ACTUAL burns from my curling iron, but I'll let you think that someone is getting a piece of what you're missing.
17. I try to make you jealous a lot. Is it working? Do you hate the thought of someone else holding my hand?
18. Every time before I get the privilege of talking to you, I mentally prepare myself by rehearsing what I'm going to say about three to four times and spray way too much perfume to cover up my nervous sweat.
19. Whenever you ask me what are my plans this weekend, I say I'm going on a date. But I really mean in my mind. With you.
