1. “I will go to every class this semester.”

I mean, some days I’m sick and just can’t leave my comfy bed, so I’ll go to almost every class.

2. “I’m going to work out every day.”

Does walking from class to class count as working out?

3. “I’m going to bed early.”

Midnight is considered early, right?

4. “I will not pull an all-nighter to finish a paper.”

What is college without at least one all-nighter?

5. “I’m going to get all A's this semester.”

Mission never accomplished.

6. “I’m going to start cooking all my meals.”

Look’s like another night of Easy Mac it is.

7. “I won’t wait until the night before to start studying.”

I say to myself every time I wait until the night before to start studying for a test.

8. “I’m going to eat healthier.”

And by healthier, I mean eat one dessert a day instead of three.

9. “Just one more episode.”

You end up going to bed at 3 a.m. every night because you said this so many times.

10. “I’m going to the library at least once a week.”

The library is just full of people, which is too distracting; it's better to stay in my apartment.

11. “I’m never drinking again.”

Until next weekend.

12. “I will not wait until I run out of underwear to do my laundry.”

Honestly, why do it anytime before this?

13. “I’m going to clean my room.”

Honestly, I find things easier when they're a mess, so what is the point of cleaning?

14. “I’m 21.”

Well, almost.

15. “Yes, Mom and Dad, I’m doing great in school and saving all my money for the future.”

I say after I just spent three hours online shopping instead of studying.

16. “I’m going to start focusing on my career.”

Then I remember how everyone says college is the best four years of your life and I don’t want to waste it on job searching.

17. “I’ll try harder next semester.”

I say this as an end of the semester tradition.