We love to hate on you, but Metro, you are the one thing no D.C.-er can live without. Here’s a list of thoughts all people who ride Metro can’t help but have.
1. Why is everyone staring off into the distance?
Either everyone’s really, realllly deep in their feels or it’s just uncomfortable to make eye contact. Either way, it’s pretty funny when you realize no one’s looking at anyone else.
2. OMG that person just caught me looking at them…QUICK! Look away!
Even though you’re pretty much an expert at sneaking a look at strangers around you, occasionally that person seven rows up to the left catches you looking a little too intently at them. It’s okay though – just quickly pretend like you were scanning everyone’s faces… they’ll never know what you were really looking at, right?
3. Why is it so packed?
When the metro is packed, it’s paaaaacccckkkkked. Who needed to breathe anyway?
4. It. Is. So. Hot.
And you know when the AC’s broken in your metro car, it basically turns into the Metro Olympics testing your speed by sprinting when the train stops from one metro car to the next to see if it’s any cooler.
5. “…delay…” NOT TODAY, SATAN!
Ahhh, gotta love the reliability of D.C.’s public transportation.
6. It’s the NEW TRAIN!
If you haven’t had the privilege to ride on the new Metro train, spend a few hours wandering a station and hop on it as soon as it comes by. It’s beautiful! And, it’s the future of Metro (thank goodness).
7. Tourists… they’re EVERYWHERE!
Everywhere you look you see “I <3 D.C.” clothes and neon colors. TBH, there should really be a separate transportation system for tourists just so they can avoid the locals’ hate for non-metro experts.
8. Escalator Rules 101: STAND on the right, WALK on the left.
There’s no better way to ruin a D.C.-er’s day than making them stand on the left all the way up the escalator because you don’t follow the most basic metro rule.
9. I wonder if I should wake up that snoring guy…
If I don’t wake him up, maybe he’ll wake up at the end of the metro line and miss his entire day of work. But maybe he’ll get mad at me for waking him up and yell. Yep, probably better to let him sleep. Snore away, my friend!
10. Woah, did I really just have a conversation with a stranger?
Someone…spoke… to me… Give me a sec, I’m still recovering from shock.
11. I wonder what job the person beside me has…
CEO? Professor? Intern? Super-secret undercover FBI agent? Playing this game in your head while riding the metro never gets old.
12. Mimicking the train conductor every time they say “There is a train ahead. We will be holding shortly,” or “Train moving.”
If you don’t have these lines memorized, do you even Metro?
13. Can the person behind me see that I’m texting my mom my grocery list?
You don’t want them to think you’re ~not cool~ or something.
14. OMG hot person.![]()
Have you ever seen the movie UP? Well, people basically turn into Doug the dog from that movie when someone attractive gets on the train.
15. I sprinted to catch this train and fought someone for a seat. Def not working out later.
Sprinting to catch the next train is hard enough on its own, but fighting that person for a seat? Expect soreness for approximately one week.
16. What would happen if I spent an entire day getting off at each Metro stop to explore?
Who needs responsibilities anyway?
Metro, you smell, you’re overcrowded and you’re not the best looking, but without you, we don’t know what we’d do. Through all your flaws, deep, deep, deeeeeep down, all D.C.-er’s really love you.
