1. Don't you dare take that mirror selfie.

2. I know you're new to eyeliner, but you are not supposed to look like a raccoon.

3. As hard as it is to believe, you are not a hippie, so put down that peace sign in your profile picture.

4. If you think your "relationship" that lasted two weeks broke your heart, you've got a lot coming for you.

5. Delete your MySpace profile now and don't look back.

6. While you're at it, delete every single picture you have uploaded to Facebook thus far, (you'll thank me later).

7. Don't say YOLO. Ever.

8. Keep tissues near your nose, and out of your bra.

9. As crazy as it sounds, if you can't sit with your besties in the cafeteria, you will still make it out alive.

10. You won't be this awkward for the rest of your life...hopefully.

11. Hollister, Aeropostale, and Abercrombie are not your friends.

12. Throw out any gauchos you have in your ownership, and do it quickly.

13. As "in" as they may be now, Crocs will never be acceptable. Do not buy a pair even if all of the cool kids do.

14. Stick to smiling when taking a picture, leave it to the lizards to stick their tongues out.

15. Get rid of your squeeze-tube lip gloss, because it is most definitely not poppin'.

...and finally

16. Yes, Justin Bieber is still hot.