16 Signs You're Obsessed With "Law & Order: SVU"

16 Signs You're Obsessed With "Law & Order: SVU"

In the criminal justice system...
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In the TV rerun system, "Law and Order: SVU" is considered especially entertaining. Across the country, the dedicated fans who watch this series are members of a slightly crazy squad who are passionate about the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. DUN DUN.


1. Your TV is always turned to USA.

Let's be real, they might as well rename USA to the SVU Channel.

2. You know exactly which days are SVU marathon days.

Always Tuesdays and Fridays, occasional Wednesdays, and a Sunday if you're lucky.

3. You get mad when NCIS comes on instead of SVU.

You get your hopes up after a long Monday, hoping to spend some quality time with Olivia, Elliott, and Ice-T. But no – some guy with gray hair is being extra dramatic on NCIS. Come on, man! Don't you know this channel is for SVU? Get out.

4. The original "Law and Order" will do if you're desperate for a suspense fix.

But never Criminal Intent.

5. You can tell which season an episode is from just by Olivia's haircut.

There were several vicious felonies committed against Mariska Hargitay's hair over the years. (Sorry about season 5, Liv).

6. Same goes for Ice-T's ponytail.

Ah, the early seasons of Ice-T's little tiny ponytail. Priceless.

7. You have a strong opinion about which ADA is the best.

ALEX CABOT FOREVER. Come on, she faked her own death. She's crazy. Casey Novak is a baller, too, but she was a murderer in that one episode and you can't quite get past that.

8. You recite the opening speech every time a new episode comes on.

As you get deeper into a marathon, your recitations get more and more dramatic. Especially the word "heinous."

9. You might even sing along to the jazzy theme music.

It doesn't have words, but that doesn't stop you. Personally, I might walk down the aisle to this music.

10. You're passionate about Benson and Stabler getting together – or not.

If you want them together, season 10 is emotional for you – Liv goes undercover as Elliott's prostitute AND his wife. If you don't want them together, you probably love Dani Beck (although no one else does).

11. You cried when Stabler left.

Why, Chris Meloni?! Why did you do this to us?!

12. And Cragen.

You were like our grandfather, Cragen. Our stern, alcoholic, caring grandfather.

13. And even Munch.

Okay, Munch, you were kind of weird sometimes. But the show isn't the same without you.

14. You feel like you know the characters personally.

Olivia and Elliott are like your parents. Ice-T is your cool uncle. ME Warner is your cool aunt. Dr. Huang is like your randomly super successful cousin.

15. You can't pick a favorite episode because the best ones are all so intense.

"Zebras," "Wildlife," the one with John Stamos, the one with Robin Williams, the two with Ludacris... how can someone pick between such wild masterpieces?

16. Executive Producer Dick Wolf is your hero.

When he cuts off the end of a stressful episode in a cliffhanger (I'm looking at you, "Doubt"), you get a little mad. But then you remember the amazing show he's brought you and the wild ride he's taken you on, and you're thankful for the consistent crime drama in your life.

Cover Image Credit: NBC

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6 Reasons You Should Binge Watch Haunted on Netflix

Don't have a chilling show to watch? Head over to Netflix and binge on Haunted

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Netflix released their show "Haunted" for the spooky season. The show tells the story of real individuals who have endured terrifying experiences with the supernatural. Each episode, an individual sits down with friends and family to retell their stories. During the retelling of the experiences, there is dramatizing of the events that give a horror movie vibe. The first season only has 6 episodes but leaves you wanting more chilling stories. You should go check out this show.

1. It's a spooky show

"Haunted" makes you want to curl up with warm blankets and freak out with any little noise you hear in your surrounding.

2. Short episodes

The episodes are short enough where you do not get bored with the plot nor the characters.

3. Every episode leaves you with some sort of cliffhanger

Whether the ending is a ghost grabbing a toy for a peace offering or leaving you to think aliens do scientific studies on humans.

4. You can binge watch it in a sitting

Every episode is roughly around 20 minutes, so two episodes in an hour. If you do not have anything going on for the day then completing the first season is no biggie.

5. No lingering spooks

Although the show is definitely spooky and does give you chills, you also don't finish the show being mentally spooked out. "Haunted" is more of a gateway show too much more terrifying shows or movies.

6. Believable spooks

You will believe in ghosts after this show because it is based on a true story! Okay, some episodes may seem really phony, but I blame the acting in the dramatization. It is the fact that the stories are based on true life that makes you question every noise you hear and every shadow.

There you go, six reasons to go onto your Netflix account and start watching "Haunted" before October ends!

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60 Black Friday Shoppers Massacred in Atlanta Walmart

Ah, more innocent lies claimed.

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In another feat of terrific brutality, approximately 60 innocent bargain-hunters were brutally slaughtered in the annual Black Friday massacres. Each year in retailers across the country thousands of shoppers are kicked, stabbed, shot and trampled in a fervent effort by their stingy counterparts to lay their hands on some "good" deals.

This year saw the greatest number of people killed on Black Friday in an inner city Atlanta Walmart in 30 years. What exactly were the victims (and murderers) scrambling to buy? Only the highest quality assorted lint collections, used tissues and torn-up pieces of paper going for a mere $35.44 each. Talk about a steal! We were on the scene as the events unfolded and managed to get an interview with one of the bystanders named John Cruckstad.

"Well y'know ah just walked in this here establishment to pick me up some kazoos for my hootinanny on Saturday with my maw and paw and 29 cousins but then I heard gunshots a'firin and hit the deck."

We asked Cruckstad if he saw who was firing, which he affirmed.

"Twas a lady wearing a lilac beret and hollering 'If y'all don't hand me that sack of garbage I'm gonna scream and light somebody on fire!' Naturally, I did as I was told and hurled the nearest trash can at her. Little did I know, I just instigated one of the largest Walmart riots in Georgia history."

"The lady in the lilac beret lost her mind and started picking off people one by one. Eventually, somebody hit her with a an Elmo inflatable and knocked her out cold. Then everyone made a mad dash for the bargain bin. Unfortunately, half of my cousins were trampled underfoot. I don't know where the rest went, but it's not looking good for them," said Cruckstad.

We offered our condolences for the loss of their lives.

"Eh I never liked em anyway," said Cruckstad.


*This is satire/fiction. This is not real. No customers were hurt in the making of this article.*

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