16 Signs You're Obsessed With "Law & Order: SVU"

16 Signs You're Obsessed With "Law & Order: SVU"

In the criminal justice system...

In the TV rerun system, "Law and Order: SVU" is considered especially entertaining. Across the country, the dedicated fans who watch this series are members of a slightly crazy squad who are passionate about the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. DUN DUN.

1. Your TV is always turned to USA.

Let's be real, they might as well rename USA to the SVU Channel.

2. You know exactly which days are SVU marathon days.

Always Tuesdays and Fridays, occasional Wednesdays, and a Sunday if you're lucky.

3. You get mad when NCIS comes on instead of SVU.

You get your hopes up after a long Monday, hoping to spend some quality time with Olivia, Elliott, and Ice-T. But no – some guy with gray hair is being extra dramatic on NCIS. Come on, man! Don't you know this channel is for SVU? Get out.

4. The original "Law and Order" will do if you're desperate for a suspense fix.

But never Criminal Intent.

5. You can tell which season an episode is from just by Olivia's haircut.

There were several vicious felonies committed against Mariska Hargitay's hair over the years. (Sorry about season 5, Liv).

6. Same goes for Ice-T's ponytail.

Ah, the early seasons of Ice-T's little tiny ponytail. Priceless.

7. You have a strong opinion about which ADA is the best.

ALEX CABOT FOREVER. Come on, she faked her own death. She's crazy. Casey Novak is a baller, too, but she was a murderer in that one episode and you can't quite get past that.

8. You recite the opening speech every time a new episode comes on.

As you get deeper into a marathon, your recitations get more and more dramatic. Especially the word "heinous."

9. You might even sing along to the jazzy theme music.

It doesn't have words, but that doesn't stop you. Personally, I might walk down the aisle to this music.

10. You're passionate about Benson and Stabler getting together – or not.

If you want them together, season 10 is emotional for you – Liv goes undercover as Elliott's prostitute AND his wife. If you don't want them together, you probably love Dani Beck (although no one else does).

11. You cried when Stabler left.

Why, Chris Meloni?! Why did you do this to us?!

12. And Cragen.

You were like our grandfather, Cragen. Our stern, alcoholic, caring grandfather.

13. And even Munch.

Okay, Munch, you were kind of weird sometimes. But the show isn't the same without you.

14. You feel like you know the characters personally.

Olivia and Elliott are like your parents. Ice-T is your cool uncle. ME Warner is your cool aunt. Dr. Huang is like your randomly super successful cousin.

15. You can't pick a favorite episode because the best ones are all so intense.

"Zebras," "Wildlife," the one with John Stamos, the one with Robin Williams, the two with Ludacris... how can someone pick between such wild masterpieces?

16. Executive Producer Dick Wolf is your hero.

When he cuts off the end of a stressful episode in a cliffhanger (I'm looking at you, "Doubt"), you get a little mad. But then you remember the amazing show he's brought you and the wild ride he's taken you on, and you're thankful for the consistent crime drama in your life.

Cover Image Credit: NBC

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35 Major Life Facts According To Nick Miller

"All booze is good booze, unless it's weak booze."

Fact: If you watch "New Girl," you love Nick Miller.

You can't help it. He's an adorable, lovable mess of a man and you look forward to seeing him and his shenanigans each week. While living the infamous and incomparable life of Nick Miller, and obviously Julius Pepperwood— he has learned many valuable laws of the land. And, although Nick refuses to learn anything from anyone besides his mysterious, old Asian friend Tran, he does have a few lessons he'd like to teach us.

Here are 35 facts of life according to 'Nick Milla Nick Milla':

1. Drinking keeps you healthy.

"I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer."

2. Dinosaurs never existed.

"I don't believe dinosaurs existed. I've seen the science. I don't believe it."

3. A paper bag is a bank.

"A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls."

4. Having sex is similar to delivering mail.

"I'm like a mailman, except instead of mail it's hot sex that I deliver."

5. Moonwalking is a foolproof way to get out of any awkward situation.

Jess (about Nick): "Now he won't even talk to me. I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me. He does that sometimes."

6. Using a movie reference is also a great way.

Cece: "Come on, get up!"

Nick: "No, I don't dance. I'm from that town in "Footloose."

7. There's no reason to wash towels.

Nick: "I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"

Schmidt: "You never wash your towel?"

Nick: "What am I gonna do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap?"

8. Exes are meant to be avoided at all costs (especially if/unless they're Caroline)

"I don't deal with exes, they're part of the past. You burn them swiftly and you give their ashes to Poseidon."

9. IKEA furniture is not as intimidating as it looks.

"I'm building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It's like high-stakes LEGOs."

10. You don't need forks if you have hands.

Jess: "That's gross. Get a fork, man."

Nick: "I got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms!"

11. Sex has a very specific definition.

"It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut."

12. Doors are frustrating.

"I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!"

13. All booze is good booze.

"Can I get an alcohol?"

14. ...unless it's weak booze.

"Schmidt, that is melon flavored liquor! That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!"

15. Writers are like pregnant women.

Jess: "You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus."

Nick: "I can top that easily. I'm having a hard time with my zombie novel."

Jess: "Are you really comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?"

Nick: "I'm a writer, Jess. We create life."

16. All bets must be honored.

"There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson. I lost a bet to Schmidt."

17. Adele's voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

"Adele is amazing."

18. Beyoncé is extremely trustworthy.

"I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. We be all night."

19. Fish, on the other hand, are not.

“Absolutely not. You know I don’t trust fish! They breathe water. That's crazy!"

20. Bar mitzvahs are terrifying.

Schmidt: "It's a bar mitzvah!"

Nick: "I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised!"

21. ...so are blueberries.

Jess: "So far, Nick Miller's list of fears is sharks, tap water, real relationships..."

Nick: "And blueberries."

22. Take your time with difficult decisions. Don't be rash.

Jess: "You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?"

Nick: "You're putting me in a tough spot!"

23. Getting into shape is not easy.

"I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts."

24. We aren't meant to talk about our feelings.

"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."

25. We're all a little bit too hard on ourselves.

"The enemy is the inner me."

26. Freezing your underwear is a good way to cool off.

"Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you."

27. Public nudity is normal.

"Everbody has been flashed countless times."

28. Alcohol is a cure-all.

"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

29. Horses are aliens.

"I believe horses are from outer-space."

30. Turtles should actually be called 'shell-beavers.'

Jess: "He calls turtles 'shell-beavers."

Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called."

31. Trench coats are hot.

"This coat has clean lines and pockets that don't quit, and it has room for your hips. And, when I wear it, I feel hot to trot!"

32. Sparkles are too.

"Now, my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you've got to change that top it's terrible and you've got to throw sparkles on. Sparkles are in. SPARKLES ARE IN."

33. Introspection can lead to a deeper knowing of oneself.

"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."

34. It's important to live in the moment.

"I know this isn't gonna end well but the middle part is gonna be awesome."

35. Drinking makes you cooler.

Jess: "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."

Nick: "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true."

Cover Image Credit: Hollywood Reporter

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