It's cuffing season.

That means, you date for the sake of not being lonely in the winter months. With couples everywhere, this can be sad and intimating for most people. Luckily, not for me. Now that I'm twenty, I've happily accepted the fact that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I don't mind at this point. I've learned to cope and adopt animals.

I have also learned special skills like going to lunch by yourself and vicariously living through other people's relationships. When I tell people I'm going to die alone, they are often sad for me and give me encouraging speeches about finding the right fish or something. I'm not a fish though, I'm a mermaid. I'm unique, unrealistic individual who doesn't need a fish. I am not mad though.

I know I will live a life of independence because of the following reasons:

1. Tinder is too much phone storage

And no, I will not delete any songs off my three Spotify playlists to make room. That's a a crime to good music.

2. Texting back is time-consuming

Do you think I am going to pass my college classes by responding to your one-word text messages? No. No, I won't.

3. Unless you physically tell me you like me, I didn't get the message

Wait, so when you told me you liked my hair up, that meant you liked me? I'm sorry I didn't read the guy code handbook on that one.

4. I have high standards

Thanks a lot Disney movies and 90s rom-coms. Where's my prince charming or star football player who likes the nerdy girl?

5. But I'm also hard to deal with for long periods of times

I can get really annoying after a couple of hours, trust me.

6. I have friends who text me good morning and bring me coffee

What else could you possibly do for me?

7. Having emotions is a lot of work

Feeling things is hard. Like really hard. Like really really hard.

8. I don't know how much I want to share my things

What's mine is yours? I don't think so.

9. Casual dating is too casual, but serious dating is too serious

I told you, I'm annoying.

10. There are psychopaths out there, what if you are one of them?

I don't know you. I don't know your past. I don't know your intentions.

11. Commitment is SCARY

Forever is a long time. Like a really long time. Like a really really long time.

12. Relationships are expensive

Dinners. Movies. Couple goal activities. That costs money I don't have.

13. Meeting parents is stressful

What if they don't like me? What if I don't like them? Are we family now? That sounds like commitment and as I said before, that's scary.

14. Meeting my friends will be worse

Trust me, they won't like you. No really, they won't like you.

15. When we break up, I'm going to be sad. And I don't like being sad.

I don't have time be sad. I have papers to write.

16. Then you're going to miss me and that's going to be a lot of text messages I'm not going to answer

I'm just looking out for you, too.