To my pale posse - it's almost that time of year again. The sun is coming for us. Take cover!
Time to dig up the sunhats and sun visors, stock up on that good goop (Banana Boat, Coppertone, Neutrogena, etc.) and pray that your 20-second stroll to the mailbox won’t scorch you like overdone microwave popcorn.
Being a sensitive-skinned individual, and tailoring your summer to accommodate your pigment deficiency, can be difficult (as difficult as applying sunscreen to your back alone).
Here are 16 things that you and your skin can relate to:
1. You hate when your tan friends peer pressure you to go outside on a sunny day
"But guys, I need at least a 30 minute notice to apply my sunscreen."
2. You love sunscreen way more than the average person.
Sometimes you even drink it.
3. You often walk around like a weather-confused white crayon with an umbrella when it's not even raining out.
Safe sun is the best sun!
4. You hate when your friends act like sun experts and tell you that you can't get sunburned when it's cloudy out.
But you already know the truth.
5. When the supermarket doesn't have your specific sunscreen, you are blazing mad.
"Are you really trying to tell me that you don't have Banana Boat SPF 1000+?"
"Is this depression or sunpression?"
6. The thought of having to face the sun again tomorrow morning disrupts your sleeping patterns.
Am I living in a nightmare or is this just summer?
7. There's no such thing as a good morning.
The sun is EVERYWHERE.
8. All your friends look like this:
9. But you look like this:
10. Beach trips frequently come with regret.
"I knew I should of reapplied my sunscreen a fifth time."
11. And bad sunburns result in you being mistaken for a ripe tomato in the supermarket.
"No ma'am, I am not fresh produce. Please stop trying to put me in your shopping cart."
12. As you recover from your third-degree sunburn (by hiding in a cave), your Vitamin D levels are getting low from lack of sunlight.
Time for a caveman diet of fish and eggs!
13. You've considered buying one of these.
"Does this bring out my eyes?"
14. And you're constantly upset because no one understands your sunburn humor.
15. Having to explain to your pals why you're reapplying sunscreen hourly is so annoying.
16. Basically, this is you the whole summer.
Note: Take a second look. You are the weirdo camouflaged in the sand.
