As a freshman in college, the idea of dating someone after high school was frightening to me. This is because, based on my own parents and friends' relationships, I had this idea in my mind that every relationship after high school ended in either one or two ways; eventual marriage or a violent and awkward breakup.
So, naturally, and I say this with all the shame in the world, I viewed relationships as a very fluid and non-serious thing. Which is a very nice way of saying that I slept around. Tinder had just become, like, a thing that was acceptable to have my freshman year, add that to the whole hookup culture that was present on the weekends, and many "relationships" I saw around me and became involved in were basically defined as who was sleeping with who. And, long story short, it gets old. Like, REALLY old. Faster than people think. But I started to worry, when I started looking for a serious relationship, that all the things I learned from that hookup culture and from naturally being an anti-social person would translate into an unsuccessful relationship.
Like many college kids, I did not have a serious relationship with someone until my third year, and, sadly, there were and still are some habits I'm trying to kick that I've accrued from the past three years. Through trial and error, here are fifteen notes that I've written down that have helped me so far in not pissing off my girlfriend. Feel free to add some more in the comments.
1. She is always right.
You do not win arguments. She simply lets you think that you've won. She takes it easy on you, so do not take that for granted.
2. Compose yourself when you're drinking.
If you can't handle your booze, then that will be a red flag in any relationship. This was hard for me, since I used to live at the bar when I was single, and especially more ironic since I met my girlfriend at the bar. So, eventually, you'll want to take her downtown, and this issue will come up of how much you can drink without getting too sloppy. I'm not saying abstain from drinking all together, but know when to say "yeah I'm done after this one" and mean it. What helped me with this was that I would designate myself as the driver, or I would cut myself off at midnight, and drink water for the rest of the night. Showing that you have control over your drinking is a super plus in any relationship, especially if you're able to say it as a college kid with a conditioned drinking problem.
3. If she doesn't like a girl that you talk to, for God's sake, don't talk to them.
Since I'm going to school to be a teacher, about 90 percent of my friends and classmates are women. If you are in a similar situation, do not assume that every single one of them will be happy to meet your girlfriend. If those friends give your girlfriend the stink eye, for the love of God, don't make them meet again. If she had guy friends who did the same thing to you, how would you feel?
4. Don't be shady on your phone.
Tell her the password on your phone. If you have something to hide on your phone that you don't want her to see, then you aren't ready to be in a serious relationship. f you get a snap form an old flame or anything like that, don't hide it. Nothing's better than looking at an ex's desperate attempts at getting back together with and making fun of those attempts as a couple.
5. If there's a thing you do that she doesn't like, but she says go ahead and do said thing if you want to, don't be an idiot and do it.
It's a trap. Just because you can do that thing she doesn't like but says do it if you want to, doesn't mean you should. So if the girl in your contacts from numbers 3 and 4 wants to go out for drinks, and she says "go ahead if you want," don't be an idiot. If your friends want to go smoke and she says "go ahead if you want," don't be an idiot. Take her out instead.
6. DON'T. BRING. UP. EXES. Hers or yours.
Remember that scene in Empire Strikes Back when Luke is training with Yoda on Dagobah, and Luke is about to go into the cave but Yoda tells him not to, and warns him "only pain you will find" and all that? Don't be a Luke. Don't go into detail about the girls you've hooked up with, and don't ask her about her sexual history. All that's going to happen is one of you will feel uncomfortable and/or jealous about a previous partner. Because thanks to the college hookup culture, going through her past hookups and your past hookups can be a long and painful conversation that reveals a side that neither of you will want to see.
7. When you meet members of her family, don't be antisocial and put the goddamn phone away.
If you're serious about this relationship, then you'll be seeing her family almost as much as yours. Don't be the asshole who has his phone on the table if one of her older siblings wants to take you both out for dinner. Go out of your way to socialize with her family on those occasions, she'll be happy as hell about it.
8. Invite her to everything.
Even if you don't plan on her saying yes. She'll appreciate that you always leave the option open for her to come alone, and hell, sometimes she'll surprise you and come down to see you. Which are, by the way, the best surprises ever.
9. Don't do anything stupid in front of her friends.
Self explanatory; Not all of her friends will like that you're dating their friend. It's natural, they're just being protective of her, so naturally some just won't like you, at least at first. So don't give them any ammunition to use against you. For example, if you're at the bar by yourself, don't get super sloppy in front of those kind of friends. Don't talk to other girls, don't fight anybody, don't pee outside on the sidewalk, don't pass out naked in the park, don't chase after people's dogs on your way back home from downtown, really the rules write themselves here. You're trying to impress her friends, not give them more things to be worried about. You're a dude in college, you already have enough red flags.
10. Space.
Go back to number 8. It's great to always invite her to everything. She's not always going to say yes, but she'll appreciate the offer. Just don't invite yourself to everything she's doing. If she was invited to a birthday party and you weren't, don't feel like that if you can't go, she can't go. Stuff like that. She's her own person, and you're not entitled to every moment of her life just because you're dating.
11. Don't overthink.
I blame texting and Snapchat for this. Guys have been so conditioned to thinking a one word snap or text means there's something wrong, that we overthink it every time we get one like the relationship is going to end and use that as an excuse to go out and do something out of spite. I used to always think that if she put a period in her sentence she was pissed off at me, for example. See number 10; she's not pissed off or with other guys, she's busy. There's no rule saying she has to write you a book every text message or immediately reply to your's within five minutes.
12. Wash your beard.
Straight up game changer for me. She made me put shampoo and conditioner in my beard one time and the thing has never been fluffier. Do this so the next time you get into an argument she can just pet your face because at that point your beard is basically a plush toy.
13. Trim.
If she needs to wander the Amazon jungle to find El Dorado, then it's time for some landscaping. There's nothing wrong with taking a nice little stroll through the forest, but if she gets lost on the trail and she starts seeing magical trees and shit, help her out a little bit, you know?
14. Feed her.
Half the time she says she's is pissed at you, she's actually just pissed that she doesn't have food in her mouth. Pizza places are open till like, 3 AM. Put two and two together.
And finally,
