1. You find yourself defending him in all of his vulgar glory.
You make excuses for his occasional misogyny, his lewd sexual remarks, his blatant references to mysterious “street” substances, his violent tendencies, etc.
“No, he really doesn’t mean that.”
“It’s a social commentary!”
“He had a really tough upbringing.”
"Just appreciate the genius of it.”
2. His lyrical brilliance astounds you.
I think he's practically Shakespeare, and coming from an English major, this means something.
3. And you are oddly attracted to him.
No explanation necessary.
#truth.
Arousing.
There's more than a 2 percent chance that I'm in love.
4. Sometimes, you test out his pickup lines on prospective love interests.
I mean, they'd work on me.
5. You think that your ability to rap every word to one of his songs is the single best party trick out there.
I suffer from this complex big time, particularly when it comes to "Lose Yourself." What's that? You want to hear it? Well, okay!
If you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted…
6. You admire his individuality.
Marshall does not let the haters get to him. He does his own thing. Society does not dictate who he is. He forges his own path through the wilderness that is the hip hop music business.
7. When you hear “The Real Slim Shady” at the club, something in your subconscious prompts you to stand up.
Because we've all got a little Shady in us.
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up
8. Though most say he's wildly inappropriate, you see his sensitive side under all the anger.
It's like he understands the human condition.
Tell me, Marshall! Tell me what I mean to you!
9. And you can feel his emotion.
Preach, Slim.
10. You respect his artistic decisions.
Oh, how wise!
11. And each time he has decided to come out of retirement, your life has felt complete once again.
Shady's back. Tell a friend.
12. You have so much in common.
Me too, Marshall!
13. When you've got your Eminem playlist bumpin,' you look something like this
14. When you speak in the third person, you sometimes refer to yourself as Rap God.
Oh, and you also call that lady who makes your turkey wrap at the deli a Wrap God. She doesn't get the reference.
15. In the end, you realize you are dealing with a legend.
Thank you for gracing us with your music, Slim.
And if you are reading this, let's hang out sometime.
