Warning: This is a satire piece and it is not meant to offend anyone.
OK, so it’s your life and you can do whatever you want with it. I’m just saying that if you try to scream these things out your window, you’re probably going to get a weird response from everyone that’s passing by.
1. “MY MAC & CHEESE IS DONE!”
As much as a mac & cheese aficionado you might be, no one will appreciate this. So this is not a thing you should yell.
2. “IT’S MY MONEY, AND I NEED IT NOW!”
What is this, a JG Wentworth commercial? Yeah, you’re not being clever, so just close the window and swallow your monetary struggle in quiet like the rest of us.
3. “I’M PREGNANT!”
As much as we want to be happy/sad (depending on your age and circumstances) for you, we just genuinely don’t care.
4. “I LOVE NICHOLAS CAGE BECAUSE HE’S A TALENTED ACTOR!”
5. “MY DOG JUST POOPED ON THE CARPET.”
Why would you announce that to the world? Just clean it up, and go on with it.
6. “I FINALLY GOT 100 FRIENDS OF MYSPACE!”
…I don’t even know what to say to this one.
7. “(Insert Nickelback lyric here)!”
I think it’s pretty fair to say most people agree that Nickelback is one of the worst bands ever. They have been the center of a boatload of jokes throughout the Internet. It’s not safe to sing anything like that out your window.
8. “I WANT CAKE/CHOCOLATE/ LOVE!”
Get in line buddy, we all want something but you don’t see us yelling it out the window.
9. “I JUST FAILED MY ORGO EXAM!”
Apparently this is a very normal thing to happen, so screaming it out the window does not make you special.
10. “NETFLIX AND CHILL?!”
Is this the modern day mating call? Does it actually work? Maybe you should just stick with Tinder like the rest.
11. “I AM NOT THE FATHER!”
That’s great, but no one actually cares. Go back inside and celebrate your lack of responsibility while you can.
12. “I WILL NEVER LET GO, JACK!”
Who’s Jack and why are you trying to hold on to him? Leave the poor man be.
13. “I’M IN LOVE WITH THE COCO!”
Good for you. Now hide before the police come into your house searching for that stuff.
14. “LET IT GO! CAN’T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE!”
Maybe you should hold back just a bit. Do you, just do less.
15. “(Insert any form of racial slur or curse word here)!”
Having the freedom to say whatever you want doesn’t mean you can use it to offend someone. Like the modern-day philosopher, Ice Cube, once said, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself!”
