Thinking back on my childhood, our mother never sat us down and gave us advice. We never got “the birds and the bees” talk. We never received the “don’t do drugs” speech.

Anytime I had a question, I would Google it. And anytime Emma had a question, she would just ask me. Our mom never told us Santa wasn’t real. I was left to find out the truth and then relay my findings back to Emma. Here is a list of 15 things we wished our mom would have told us:

  1. Nair does not work like it should, just use a damn razor.
  2. Never drink vodka if it costs less than $11.
  3. Don’t have bangs.
  4. Walking around with your shoes untied is not cool. (Curse those Etnie and DC shoes years!)
  5. No matter how many times you brush your teeth, the taste of $1.99 Cheyenne cigars will never go away.
  6. Never trust a fart.
  7. Sometimes you gotta throw up on the Mayor’s patio.
  8. However, throwing up does not restart the night’s count.
  9. Never rely on Mcdonald's to have ice cream. Ever.
  10. Backing into a dumpster in a parking lot and saying the paint covered dent is just bird poop will not work.
  11. Beer pong should be played with beer and not vodka.
  12. Turn your lights on every time you drive at night.
  13. Having your leg duct taped is a lot more fun than having it taken off.
  14. Aeropostale's cuffed sweatpants cannot be worn for every occasion.
  15. #14 is false