Whenever I see Donald Trump on television my first reaction is always: "Is that a piece of bologna on his head?" Whatever it is, it's not hair. It's a living, breathing thing that deserves some attention. Honestly, I don't think it's fair that such a mysterious creature has to reside on the sweaty, bald head of the man who once insinuated that he would date his own daughter. So, I've come up with a list of 15 fun and interesting things to do with Donald Trump's "hair"

1. Use it to reconstruct the Great Coral Reef

It is our duty, as young people, to care for our world. What better way to use his toupee than to save the planet. And think about it, his hair kind of looks like a flesh colored coral reef.

2. Use it as a makeup contouring sponge

Gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, get that contour on POINT with Donald Trump's ~hair~.

3. Sell it to pay off college loans

We all know I'm broke AF, so let's sell that nasty piece of fluff on the top of Trump's head to get some straight cash.

4. It would make a good rug

I like to imagine squishing my toes in it while sipping green tea, wearing a fur cloak, and a handsome boy is feeding me chicken nuggets.

5. Frame it and use it as a tasteful piece of art

Okay so maybe 'tasteful' isn't the best word to use here. Let's call it abstract. If you squint while standing far away it kind of looks like The Scream painting.

6. Plant it in some soil and see if it will grow a new Donald

Raise this Donald right. Give it sunshine, water, and love.

7. Use it when you run out of tissues

I mean it looks pretty water absorbent, right?

8. Make it into a coffee filter

Start your morning RIGHT with a warm cup o' joe. It might taste a little bitter, but who am I to complain? Coffee is coffee.

9. Use it to hide valued possessions

"What's under that dusty rag?" "Nothing! It's just Donald Trump's hair; it's naturally lumpy like that."

10. Wear it as a piece of jewelry

Remember in 2009 when feather earrings were all the rage? Let's bring it back, but with a giant hair piece.

11. Stuff your bra with it

Say no to chicken cutlets and push up bras! This is the next best thing to tissues! Just stuff it in there and BOOM! Girl you better work.

12. Use it as a signal for help when you're stranded on an island

I'm sure a plane flying over your deserted island will be wondering "Why is there an old piece of hairy meat floating on a stick?" And then he would obviously land the plane out of curiosity and save your life. This was also in a dream I had.

13. Paint a face on it and call it your best friend

14. Take it out on a nice date

Let's say your friendship with his hair turns into a serious relationship; you better treat that hair right and take it out to a nice dinner at the local Red Lobster.

15. Build a wall out of it

Honestly what could build a stronger wall than the follicles of a bigot?

If I could, I would run up to Donald Trump and snatch that wig straight from his little, speckled lizard head. But I can't. So instead I'll just sit here and imagine a life for his hair that will never be.