Growing up in a household where your mom is overprotective is one thing, but growing up in a household where your mom is a nurse is a completely different story. The horror stories, the weird habits, and the strange dinner conversations are just the beginning. You're not sure whether to laugh, cry, or barf at most of her stories and because of her, you are terrified of germs. Thanks, Mom.
The list could go on, but here are 15 of the funniest things all of you have a nurse for a mom will understand.
1. The horrible scenarios.
Every time you want to do something, your mom manages to come up with a long list of horrible things that could happen to you (because she's seen it at work before.) Who knew a trip to the beach could prompt a discussion about car accidents, alcohol poisoning, and drowning?
2. So many scrubs!
On laundry day at your house, there are a solid five piles of your mom's laundry, and they are all scrubs. How could one woman own so many pairs of the same exact thing? Blue scrubs, white scrubs, fancy scrubs, stained scrubs, the list could go on and on.
3. The many uses of medical tape.
You can never find the scotch tape in your house when you need it. But, rest assured, your mom has some medical tape handy at all times. “Mom, where's the tape?" you yell. “There's some medical tape in my coat pocket!" she screams down the stairs.
4. Germs, germs, and more germs.
She tells you the most terrifying stories about all of the germs you pick up throughout the day. You're constantly scared that you're about to catch the newest “bug" your mom has been telling you about for a week.
5. You're hand washing freaks.
Your mom basically brainwashed you into washing your hands before you do anything. About to eat? Wash your hands. Thinking about touching your face? Wash your hands. Touched a door handle in public? Wash your hands. It sometimes seems like it's her goal to get your hands to be as dried out and cracked as hers.
6. You've learned perfect hand washing techniques.
Every time you wash your hands, you find yourself thinking about all the times your mom tried to tell you how to wash them correctly. “Make sure you do the top of your hands, your wrists, your palms, in between each finger, and on your fingernails." We're eating lunch, not scrubbing in for surgery, Mom.
7. Being “too sick to go to school" was always a struggle.
Whether you were really sick or not, your mom always wanted you to list your symptoms, take your temperature, and go through a long series of tests before she'd consider letting you off the hook. But let's face it, her suspicions were usually accurate. Sorry, Mom.
8. All of your friends come to her for medical advice.
You often find yourself in situations where you're basically scheduling at-home appointments for your mom. “Hey, I have *insert medical problem here.* Do you think your mom would look at it for me?"
9. Don't worry, she has a stethoscope handy.
Have a chest cold? Let me get my stethoscope. Feeling woozy? Let me get my stethoscope. Is your heart beating fast? Let me get my stethoscope. We can always count on you, Mom.
10. Rearranging your schedule on Christmas was a necessity some years.
If it was your mom's turn to work the Christmas Day shift, you'd either have to exchange gifts Christmas Eve or wake up at 4 a.m. to do presents before she left. However, you never did mind, because you always got your gifts a little earlier than the rest of your friends then.
11. Night shift didn't just affect your mom, it affected everyone in the house.
If you ever had the pleasure of having your mom work the night shift, you probably understand what it's like to live with a zombie. It wasn't just her that had to do the adjusting, you and the rest of your family did too. Your mom would fall asleep in random places in your house, and you'd have to tiptoe around her all day. You would have to be quiet while she slept because “she's working a 12 tonight." And my absolute favorite, your morning was her night, so as you'd eat breakfast, she wants your leftover Chinese from the night before.
12. Her purse might as well be a pharmacy.
Have a headache? Mom's got medicine. Have a stuffy nose? She's got medicine for that too. Having muscle aches? She's got Icy Hot and Aleve in there. We can always count on Nurse Mom to have what we need.
13. She's the best person to take to the doctor with you.
She can basically spit out an alphabetized list of your symptoms in technical terms. It creates a whole new meaning for “what are your symptoms?"
14. She'll always secretly wish you wanted to be a nurse too.
When you tell your mom you could never do what she does, you mean it. But she'll always have hope that you'll change your mind someday.
15. You're glad you have such an inspirational, hardworking mom.
Even with the weird habits, funny quirks, and gross medical stories, you're still so glad that you have such a hardworking, inspirational mom to look up to. Thanks, Mom, for showing us what it means to work hard. We hope we can help as many people as you do someday, in whatever job we decide to do.
Editor's Note: This post has been updated to accurately reflect the professionalism of the nurses in the medical industry.