A lifeguard, by definition, supervises the safety and rescue of swimmers, surfers and other water sports participants such as in a swimming pool, water park or beach. In reality, a lifeguard supervises the safety and rescue of swimmers, while listening to juicy gossip, getting the best tan and twirling their whistle to the beat of the music. Here are 15 things that you learn while being a lifeguard.
1. There is nothing wrong with lost and found sunglasses.
Especially when you forget yours at home. You gotta do what you gotta do...
2. Thunder is your absolute best friend.
That is, until lightning comes along and steals the show. Then, lightning is your best friend. Sorry thunder, you have been out-done.
3. Chlorine is a smell that you cannot get out of your skin.
Accept the fact that during the summer, chlorine is your only perfume and you need to wear it with pride and confidence when you go out.
4. The build up of sunscreen in the corner of the pool is inevitable.
Until mom's stop lubing their children up with sunscreen, it will happen. And it will be the death of you.
5. You will always have the world's worst tan lines.
It does not matter if it is the big "X" across your back, or the shorts tan that goes halfway down your thighs; your tan lines are the absolute worst and they will never fade.
6. Moms would not say half the stuff that they do if they knew you were listening.
You will hear about how stupid their husbands are and how lazy their children are, and you will love every minute of it. Mom-gossip is by far the best gossip.
7. Poop, as disgusting as it may seem, is enough to make your day a little brighter.
There is nothing better than getting to blow the whistle and say "CLEAR THE POOL" when a kid takes a nice poop by the edge of the pool.
8. There will always be that one family that wants to ruin your life.
Whether they come in 20 minutes before close, or if they bring five guests with them in the prime of a Saturday, they will always seek to make your life complete hell.
9. Being a good co-worker is a very essential part of the job.
This could mean lending your sunglasses while you are off stand, or letting someone borrow your fanny-pack when they forgot it at home. It's in the unwritten handbook.
10. Private swim lessons is where it's at.
There is nothing better than getting paid $30 an hour for the easiest job in the entire world -- teaching kids how to blow bubbles.
11. Checking the weather every 15 minutes if a dark cloud is approaching is a must.
Trying to speak to Storm Gods is the appropriate response to this situation.
12. "WALK PLEASE" will become your favorite line.
And you will feel incredibly awkward when you're shopping with your mom and you see a little kid running through the store and you ask him to walk, and then have to remind yourself that you aren't on duty.
13. There is nothing worse than soggy crackers left in piles on the pool deck.
There is nothing else to say about this. They are the worst.
14. Extra training days are pretty bad also.
It is never fun to swim a 300 and do drill after drill while your supervisors stand outside of the pool, dry and bossy as ever.
15. You are a baby sitter, a doctor, a counselor, a weather man and lastly, a lifeguard.
Being a lifeguard is difficult at times, but when it rains all day or when a little girl says she loves you, it is all worth it. Here's to making it through the last two months of pool season.
