I hope everyone knows and understands what barn dance is by now. After all, this is U of I. Just in case, I’ll go ahead and define it.
Barn dance [bahrn dans]
noun: an annual or
semi-annual even hosted by many (all) sororities and fraternities on the
U of I campus in which country music is played, hay is rolled in and whiskey
(or vodka, rum, etc.) is consumed.
verb: to indulge in barn dance activities as described above, often resulting in poor decisions, blacking out and massive hangovers
Baarrrnnn Daance! [BAAAAAHRN DAAAAANS!] exclamation: what one proudly exclaims when fully immersed in barn dance; likely yelled when fully intoxicated.
I have been to my fair share of these wonderful gifts from God, so without further ado, here is my list of things that will inevitably happen at barn dance. Sophomores, juniors and seniors: prepare to laugh. Freshmen: prepare for the shenanigans described below.
1. Flannel and lots of it. I bet you didn’t know so
much flannel existed in the world. Yes, it is kind of an abomination to fashion.
But, it is only once a year and it is a requirement for the momentous occasion
that is barn dance.
2. ‘Murica and cutoff shirts. Let’s get one thing
straight, fraternity boys and sorority girls cannot get enough ‘Murica. Why? I
don’t know. But it’s funny, so why challenge it? As for cut-off shirts -- these
are one of the ways guys can spice up their barn dance attire. Ladies, we
have a billion; let’s let the guys have one.
3. Apple pie shots, fireball and whiskey. Why?
Because once a year we like to pretend we’re so country, which includes
our beverages. Someone in the magical place I call Frat Land, once decided that
these liquors were country, so that’s just what we do.
4. Pictures, lots of them! Get ready for sorority
squats, hands on boys’ chests and, my personal favorite, cup hiding -- because no
one knows that there is alcohol at barn dance, so we need to hide our cups when
we take pictures to keep it a secret.
5. Creative ways to hide flasks. Use ‘em for a
breast lift, ladies! Guys, tape them to the inside of your pants lined up with
the pocket seam. There’s nothing wrong with a little man booty, am I right?
6. Someone vomits on the bus. Spoiler alert: it’s
probably Chipotle. It is the campus obsession and so good!
7. Mustache guy tells you what not to do, "in da
barn.” My personal favorite thing he says is, “find me if you have a glass
container and I'll work with you to find a plastic container.” He clearly
knows what’s up. He helps me keep my fifth of vodka. He’s the real barn dance MVP!
8. Fratty Natty and Keystone. Why would the
kegs contain anything else? If anyone has a funny name for Keystone, email because I need to know!
9. Drunken hayrides and bonfires. ‘Nuff said.
10. Vomit party in the woods. Spoiler alert: it’s a
mix of beer and Chipotle, campus staples.
11. Questionable activities in the woods. Y’all can
interpret this one for yourselves. Think about it.
12. Chex Mix from Loretta!
13. Our risk managers try to force feed water down
our throats. Is this supposed to sober me up? It just makes me have to continue
on with my vicious cycle of bathroom breaks. Don't break the seal!
14. New friends. Because alcohol has these funny
ways of making everyone love each other.
15. A fun night of dancing in a barn with your
sisters and brothers and a night of memories (or not) to last a lifetime.
