The United States government has been locking up pivotal and shocking information for centuries. Now, thanks widely in part to social collusion on the internet, we have been able to excavate many facts that the government had previously concealed. DISCLAIMER: Reading any further may put a target on your back.

1. NASA confirmed the existence of Dennis Hopper on March 17th, 1995
2. There are at least 17 shapes known in existence, and triangles are not one of them.
3. Since president Bill Clinton left office, saxophones everywhere have been reported to cry when nobody else is around.
4. Franklin Deleno Roosevelt’s corpse is now used as a Polo-clad mannequin at your local Macy’s.
5. The FBI commissioned Bob Ross to paint the sky.
6. This one has always been a mystery, and always will be.
7. William Howard Taft’s presidential decisions were largely influenced by whisperings amongst his porcelain doll collection.
8. Abraham Lincoln’s first and last words both involved the mention of a Hot ‘N Ready pizza from Little Caesar’s.
9. God is kept in the basement of the White House for questioning.
10. Washington D.C. isn't technically in America; it lies within a fantasy world called Gloob that is only accessible through song and dance.
11. The president has the power to erase anyone from reality with a presidential-sized macaroon-shaped Iwako eraser.
12. South Carolina is actually East Georgia.
13. The United States was constructed on top of an ancient indian burial ground.
14. Newt Gengrich’s activation phrase is “Squirt the cheese.”
15. Manhattan was founded in 1683 by Ahn Gumbs, who used to sit perched atop the heads of traveling noblemen and scream.