I’m not quite sure when the saying the customer is always right got so out of hand. What started off as a courtesy has now been so used and abused, patrons feel that they have the right to treat employees of every job description in any manner they wish. With a few years of experience in the retail scene, here are my most recurring thoughts.
1. "How much does this cost?" is not the proper response to “Hello, how are you?” Greeting me like an actual person will not slow down the process of the transaction in the slightest.
2. It's not free. It's not scanning because the bar code is compromised. It will never be free and you will never be funny, though I will force a dry, pained, obligatory laugh.
3. I have no control over the prices. Seriously, none, I promise. If I could change them to stop your incessant whining, I would.
4. It's not my fault that your coupon is expired. I'm not out to get you and I'm not purposefully withholding your discount from you. Read the dates. Stop yelling at me.
5. I love it when you’re on your phone while checking out. And, please, hold your finger up to shush me when I ask if you’ve found everything okay today. It really brightens my shift.
6. Your temper tantrums do not impress me. If anything, you'll be talked about for the next hour or so amongst employees, and we'll all poke fun at the person who lost their mind over half-price polos.
7. Swiping or inserting your card in the middle of the transaction will get you nowhere. The PIN pad will not read it until I've totaled the sum, so sit back and relax for the forty some odd seconds it takes me to ring you up.
8. Some days are busier than others. We too want to get you through the line as quickly as possible. There is a cashier at every register; wait your turn.
9. Very rarely are things kept in the back. If you insist I go "double check," I will go to the stockroom, stare at the wall for 20 seconds, return and "confirm" we do not have anymore.
10. A piece of my already questionable sanity goes down the drain with each display table you ruin. I'd be more than happy to help you look for your size rather than have you flinging things all over the place.
11. If you leave the hangers and clothing on the floor of the fitting room, you are the worst type of shopper. Please clean up after yourself. This comes down to basic manners.
12. I’m not Sherlock Holmes. If you'd like me to find something for you, you have to give me more of a description than "that black shirt I saw in the ad."
13. I'll tell you it's no problem that you came in three minutes to closing time, but I’m dying inside. I want to go home. As an older Rose Dawson said: It’s been eighty-four years.
14. I am a human being, and I’m trying my best to make your visit as pleasant and accommodating as possible. Be kind.
