We all have the one friend: the one that is always a beat behind, needs jokes explained to them, and tends to come in on the last bit of the conversation with no clue what is happening. The struggle of being the oblivious friend is something I have been familiar with for a long time, and I need to clarify: being oblivious doesn't make a person dumb (I have a 3.9 GPA, thank you very much), it just makes them unobservant, unaware, and maybe not so great with deductive reasoning.
1. Your signature catch phrase is "Wait, what?"
Because seriously: pause and explain. What just happened? Why is everyone laughing? I missed it.
2. Basic putting two and two together is a hit or miss.
When you're the oblivious friend, things just don't always click. It's not that you're dumb; deductive reasoning just doesn't always come through for you.
3. Friends have pulled you aside or whispered in your ear the context of a story because somehow everyone knows it but you.
What is common knowledge is not necessary common to you. When did everyone else get on the same page and you didn't? No idea. But here we are.
4. You're always missing some piece of information.
I went to see "The Martian" with some friends without seeing the preview, and after about 30 minutes of waiting for little green men to show up, I had to lean over to my friend and clarify, "Wait, so he's the Martian?"
5. You're the figurative and/or literal blonde of the group.
People often look at you in amazement, followed by a demeaning, "at least you're pretty."
6. Things that other people realized just after childhood took you a little bit longer.
It's common knowledge that Hillary Duff played both Lizzie McGuire and Isabella in "The Lizzie McGuire Movie." I finally figured this out when I was 18. (My friends: "Seriously? Her Italian accent was terrible!")
7. You often find yourself gazing off and missing most of a conversation, but when you snap back to reality, it's too late to ask what everyone's talking about.
They're tired of explaining and you're tired of asking. So you just sit there in dejected silence until the next topic rolls around.
8. You've gotten really good at laughing like you know what's going on.
9. You're basically daydreaming all the time.
10. When everyone has figured out the murderer in a crime show, you're guessing until the last minute.
11. You often think you've been left out of something, when really, you just missed the invite.
They DO love me!
12. Passive aggressive people don't bother you because you have no idea they're even being passive aggressive.
My roommate sure is acting weird. Ah well, it probably has nothing to do with me forgetting to buy toilet paper!
13. People forget that you're actually smart.
Like I said, that 3.9 GPA didn't earn itself.
14. Your friends love and accept your subpar observation and reasoning skills and accommodate you the best they can.
Before one of my best friends officially came out to everyone, she pulled me aside to tell me because she knew I would be the only one who wouldn't figure it out. Now that is an understanding friend. Friends that appreciate you for who you are should never be taken for granted!
